英語笑話是指以一句英文短語或一個(gè)英文故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑,或是產(chǎn)生幽默感,笑話是一種經(jīng)過藝術(shù)加工的語言形式。下面是小編整理的一些初二英語笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

In class,the teacher,with his back leaning against the stove,said to the students,"Before you speak,you should think and count to at least 50,and for important matters to 100."

No sooner had the teacher stopped talking than the students began to count.

at last all the students shouted together,"1...98,99,100.teacher,your clothes are on fire."

數(shù)到一百再說

課堂上，老師背靠火爐站著，對(duì)學(xué)生們說：“說話前要三思，起碼數(shù)到50，重要的事情要數(shù)到一百?！?/p>

老師的話音剛落，學(xué)生立刻從“1”開始數(shù)起來。最后一起喊：“98，99，100!老師，您的衣服著火了?！?/p>初二英語笑話：The Advantage of Alcohol

In order to prove the harmful effect of alcohol,the teacher put a bug into a glass filled with alcohol,soon the bug died. The teacher asked a student,"what does this show?"

The student answered,"It shows that people won't get parasites if they drink more alcohol."

酒的好處

為了證明酒精對(duì)生物的危害，老師把一只蟲子放入裝有酒精的杯子里，蟲子很快就死了。老師問一個(gè)學(xué)生：“這說明了什么?”

學(xué)生答道：“說明人多喝酒，就不會(huì)長(zhǎng)蟲子。”

Teacher:Some students are becoming arrogant.Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?

Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.

Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare won't fall asleep?

Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.

把烏龜換成狼

老師：有些同學(xué)開始驕傲了，大家還記得龜兔賽跑的故事嗎。小明，你說說看，兔子為什么輸給烏龜?

小明：因?yàn)樗X了。

老師：對(duì)極了!我們應(yīng)該怎么做才能讓兔子不睡覺呢?

小明：把烏龜換成狼!

Computer help desks are used to fielding oddball requests but sometimes the questions leave even the best of them stumped.

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Such as: "Why isn't my wireless mouse connected to the computer?"

Or: "Can you reset the Internet for me?"

Then there was the questioner who asked: "Where can I get software to track UFOs?"

Robert Half Technology, a provider of information technology professionals based in Menlo Park, California, asked 1,400 chief information officers from companies across the United States to come up with the most baffling questions their help desks or technical support teams had ever received. Among the more unusual were:

-- "My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the 'any' key?"

-- "Can you rearrange the keyboard alphabetically?"

-- "My daughter is locked in the bathroom, can you pick the lock?"

-- "Can you tell me the weather forecast for next year?"

-- "Can you install cable TV on my PC?"

Then there was the computer user who confused the CD-ROM drive with a drink holder and asked: "How do I get my computer's coffee-cup holder to come out again?"

Katherine Spencer Lee, executive director of Robert Half Technology, said such queries were a test of the skills of the help and technical support desks.

"These unusual requests highlight the need for technical support personnel to also demonstrate patience, empathy and a sense of humor," she said.

幫用戶解決電腦問題是電腦技術(shù)支持的主要職責(zé)，但有時(shí)用戶提的問題甚至把IT精英們都給難倒了。

比如：“為什么我的無線鼠標(biāo)沒連在電腦上?”

再如：“能幫我重啟一下網(wǎng)絡(luò)嗎?”

還有人會(huì)問：“在哪能下載追蹤UFO的軟件?”

總部位于加州門羅園的“羅伯特1/2”IT咨詢公司日前對(duì)美國(guó)各地的1400位公司IT主管進(jìn)行了一項(xiàng)調(diào)查，讓他們列出公司的技術(shù)咨詢或支持部門所遇到的“最難回答”的問題。其中包括：

“電腦提示：請(qǐng)按任意鍵繼續(xù)。這個(gè)任意鍵在哪?”

“你能將鍵盤按字母順序重排嗎?”

“我女兒被鎖在浴室了，你能開鎖嗎?”

“能不能幫我查查明年的天氣預(yù)報(bào)?”

“能幫我在電腦上安裝有線電視嗎?”

還有一位用戶將光盤驅(qū)動(dòng)器(CD-ROM)與一種杯架混淆了，問曰：“怎么把電腦上的咖啡杯架弄出來?”

“羅伯特1/2”IT咨詢公司的執(zhí)行官凱瑟琳?斯賓塞?李說，這些問題對(duì)于技術(shù)人員來說的確是個(gè)考驗(yàn)。

她說：“技術(shù)人員在解答這些問題時(shí)，一定要有耐心，要理解用戶，還要有些幽默感?！?/p>?初二英語笑話： Fresh Richer

A fresh richer is purchasing coffin in the store for the death.A person asks him：“Which one is better?”He says：“Of course the zinc1)-filled is more durable2)，but the wooden is helpful to the health.”

新 貴

一個(gè)新貴在墓葬品商店選購(gòu)他死時(shí)要用的棺材，有人問他：“最好買哪一種?”他說：“鍍鋅的棺材當(dāng)然比較耐用，但木制棺材有益于健康?！?/p>

NOTE 注釋：

1. zinc n. 鋅 vt. 涂鋅于.

2. durable adj. 持久的, 耐用的 ?

Two apples up in a tree were looking down on the world.The first apple said，“Look at all those people fighting，robbing，rioting --no one seems willing to get along with his fellow man.Some day we apples will be the only ones left.Then we'll rule the world.”Replied the second apple，“Which of us --the reds or the greens?”

紅的還是綠的?

樹上的兩只蘋果俯瞰著世界。第一只蘋果說：“瞧瞧這些人吧，爭(zhēng)斗、搶劫、騷亂——似乎就沒有人愿意與別的人好好相處?？傆幸惶?，我們蘋果就會(huì)成為世上惟一的幸存者。到那時(shí)我們就將統(tǒng)治世界?！钡诙惶O果回答說：“我們中的哪些呢——紅的還是綠的?”

Teacher：Who can tell me the difference between lightning and electricity?

Student：You don’ t have to pay for lightning.

閃電不用付錢

老師：誰能告訴我閃電與電的區(qū)別?

學(xué)生：閃電不用付錢。

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請(qǐng)求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."

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