2013年1月
無(wú)老師精析：其實(shí)當(dāng)我們?cè)陂喿x作文的時(shí)候，總是會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，我們與優(yōu)秀作文的差距貌似不簡(jiǎn)簡(jiǎn)單單是用詞的差距。而是同樣的一句話，我們是這么說(shuō)的，但是人家是那么說(shuō)的。我們寫(xiě)的方式總是把我們腦中的中文，逐字的翻譯成英文。但是實(shí)際上，慢慢的我們應(yīng)該做的是將我們腦中的意思，找到英文地道的表達(dá)方式，然后直接表達(dá)出來(lái)，這是一個(gè)循序漸進(jìn)的過(guò)程。

無(wú)老師滿分范例: Also, students would easily become disoriented in the hugesea of information. Although modern technology could equip us witheasy access to information, the huge amount of resources wouldactually leave us discombobulated. Therefore, it is only left topossess information more quickly rather than learn it more quickly.An illustrating example is my experience with a HK digital librarywhich stores almost all the books I desire. At first I enjoyeddownloading them from the database. However, one month later Iended up with hundreds of books stored in my hardware yet none ofthem finished or ever clicked.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯:同樣的,學(xué)生將會(huì)很容易的變得沒(méi)有方向,在海量的信息面前。雖然當(dāng)代的技術(shù)使得我們可以很容易的接觸到信息，但是大量的信息會(huì)使得我們亂了方向。因此，我們只是更快的獲得了這些信息，而不是更快的掌握了這些信息。一個(gè)最能說(shuō)明問(wèn)題的例子就是我在香港數(shù)字圖書(shū)館的經(jīng)歷，這個(gè)圖書(shū)館幾乎儲(chǔ)藏了所有我喜歡的書(shū)。最初，我喜歡從數(shù)據(jù)庫(kù)下載這些信息。但是，一個(gè)月后，當(dāng)數(shù)百本書(shū)被儲(chǔ)存在我的硬件里，但是沒(méi)有任何一本書(shū)被讀完甚至都沒(méi)有被點(diǎn)擊過(guò)之后，我就終結(jié)了我的行為。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：Also, when we face plenty of information, students wouldeasily lost their direction. Although the modern technology helpsus get more information, so much information will distract us. Sowe just collect these information, but we do not absorb theseinformation. The best example is the my experience in the HKdigital library, this library almost have all the books that Ilike. At first, I liked to download these information. However,after a month, when hundreds of books were stored in my hardwareand none of them were opened or even were clicked, I stop stoppedthis behavior.

首先第一句：優(yōu)秀范例Also, students would easily become disoriented in thehuge sea of information.對(duì)比平庸范例Also, when we face plenty ofinformation, students would easily lost theirdirection.我們就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)人家優(yōu)秀范例明明幾個(gè)詞就可以搞定的事情，平庸范例竟然用了一個(gè)從句！真是啰嗦！這里的優(yōu)秀范例顯然首先是becomedisoriented這里的disoriented這個(gè)合成詞寫(xiě)的很形象，orient本身就是有“指引方向”的意思，前面加上了dis表示方向的迷失，然后再接下來(lái)有用了hugesea of，還真有一點(diǎn)mountain people， mountainsea的趕腳。O(∩_∩)O哈哈~平庸范例雖然寫(xiě)的都沒(méi)錯(cuò)，但是語(yǔ)言拖沓，而且plenty of和lost theirdirection也只能是中規(guī)中矩，比起優(yōu)秀范例，顯然不在一個(gè)檔次上。

接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例說(shuō)了Although modern technology could equip us with easy accessto information, the huge amount of resources would actually leaveus discombobulated.對(duì)比平庸范例Although the modern technology helps usget more information, so much information will distractus.顯然優(yōu)秀范例的equip和easy accessto是最明顯的亮點(diǎn)，這里equip是“裝備某人”的意思，自然也就“使得某人有了XXX能力”，然后accessto也是中國(guó)學(xué)生很少用到的固定搭配，這兩個(gè)兩點(diǎn)放在一起，真的是雙劍合璧，光芒萬(wàn)丈！不過(guò)在接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例的discombobulated顯得略生僻了，不如平庸范例distract來(lái)得簡(jiǎn)單粗暴，還是讓人有些遺憾的。

第三句：優(yōu)秀范例Therefore, it is only left to possess information morequickly rather than learn it more quickly.對(duì)比平庸范例So we just collectthese information, but we do not absorb theseinformation.這里顯然優(yōu)秀范例的亮點(diǎn)是ratherthan這個(gè)固定搭配，使得平庸范例but，顯得十分的羅嗦。但是反過(guò)來(lái)，平庸范例的兩個(gè)動(dòng)詞collect與absorb，卻是比優(yōu)秀范例的動(dòng)詞possess與learn用的準(zhǔn)確，這個(gè)點(diǎn)要仔細(xì)體會(huì)。

下面，優(yōu)秀范例An illustrating example is my experience with a HK digitallibrary which stores almost all the books I desire.對(duì)比平庸范例的The bestexample is the my experience in the HK digital library, thislibrary almost have all the books that Ilike.優(yōu)秀范例的前2大亮點(diǎn)在于illustrating example、HK digitallibrary這兩個(gè)部分，顯示出作者的詞匯量?jī)?chǔ)藏很豐富，而且例子很具體，特別令人信服！然后的which從句與前一句鏈接很緊密，一氣呵成，讓人讀起來(lái)頗有很順暢的感覺(jué)。但是反觀平庸范例的翻譯只是在邯鄲學(xué)步而已。bestexample是大家都知道的，HK digital library是直接復(fù)制過(guò)來(lái)的，thislibrary單獨(dú)成句，顯然沒(méi)有which從句的連貫性好。

倒數(shù)第二句，優(yōu)秀范例At first I enjoyed downloading them from thedatabase.對(duì)比平庸范例At first, I liked to download theseinformation.，顯然優(yōu)秀范例的database顯示出作者詞匯量不錯(cuò)。

最后一句，優(yōu)秀范例However, one month later I ended up with hundreds of booksstored in my hardware yet none of them finished or everclicked.對(duì)比平庸范例However, after a month, when hundreds of books werestored in my hardware and none of them were opened or even wereclicked, I stop stopped thisbehavior.顯然平庸范例寫(xiě)的也沒(méi)錯(cuò)，但就是總讓人感覺(jué)十分的笨拙。而且在這里，之所以感覺(jué)平庸范例與優(yōu)秀范例差別不是特別大，主要是因?yàn)閮?yōu)秀范例哪怕翻譯成中文，其實(shí)也是寫(xiě)得很好的，想想我們自己的中文，我們很有可能干巴巴的寫(xiě)的是“我下載了很多書(shū)，但是都沒(méi)看”，但是這樣就遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)有，優(yōu)秀范例的“一個(gè)月后，當(dāng)數(shù)百本書(shū)被儲(chǔ)存在我的硬件里，但是沒(méi)有任何一本書(shū)被讀完甚至都沒(méi)有被點(diǎn)擊過(guò)之后，我就終結(jié)了我的行為?！睂?xiě)得生動(dòng)。因此，有些時(shí)候，優(yōu)秀的作文不僅僅涉及到表達(dá)方式的豐富，而且還涉及到作者本身的文學(xué)素養(yǎng)或者說(shuō)語(yǔ)言素養(yǎng)，如果本身中文就想不到這么寫(xiě)，那么自然英文寫(xiě)就無(wú)法流淌出精妙的語(yǔ)句。

2013年2月

無(wú)老師滿分范例: Another discomfort of our age is that we are experiencinginterpersonal alienation. With the development of communicationtechnology, people in fact become alienated with friends andrelatives, since they could be merely accessed via phone or email.Too often we feel that few of our friends are true friends, withoutthe traditional feeling of mutual affection which could only becreated by longtime apart. But several decades ago, peopletreasured their friends and maintained relatively closeinterpersonal relations, which is much more enjoyable than theestrangements we are experiencing.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯:我們這一代的另一個(gè)不舒服的點(diǎn)，是我們經(jīng)歷了人際之間的冷漠.隨著通訊技術(shù)的發(fā)展,人們實(shí)際上是于自己的朋友和親戚越來(lái)越陌生,因?yàn)樗麄冎煌ㄟ^(guò)電話和電子郵件進(jìn)行交流.很多時(shí)候我們感覺(jué)到很少再有朋友是真正的朋友,這都是因?yàn)殚L(zhǎng)時(shí)間的分開(kāi),是我們?nèi)鄙倭四欠N傳統(tǒng)的互相珍愛(ài)的感覺(jué).但是幾十年之前，人們會(huì)珍視他們的朋友，并且維持很親密的人際關(guān)系，這比我們現(xiàn)在正在經(jīng)歷的疏遠(yuǎn)的人際關(guān)系更令人喜歡。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：The second disadvantage of this generation is that we areindifferent. With the development of the communication, people arebecoming more and more indifferent with our friends and relatives,because we only connect by telephone and email. we barely feel thatthere are not real friends, because we have left each other toolong, and we lost the traditional feeling of paying attention toeach other. But many years ago, people will pay attention to theirfriends, and keep the good relation with their friends, and thesewill much better than the disconnected relation between people.

無(wú)老師精析：本次的平庸范例是真不好寫(xiě)啊，因?yàn)閮?yōu)秀范例本身句型實(shí)在是寫(xiě)的很地道，轉(zhuǎn)述出來(lái)的中文就已經(jīng)很不中文了，因此相應(yīng)的平庸范例很多都是很蹩腳的語(yǔ)句，因?yàn)橹灰凑赵瓉?lái)的中文來(lái)寫(xiě)，英文就必須是很優(yōu)秀的，非要想寫(xiě)成平庸，難度就非常的高。因此很多時(shí)候，平庸范例其實(shí)已經(jīng)不能按照中文逐字逐句的翻譯了，而僅僅是做到意思上稍微契合而已。

首先看第一句優(yōu)秀范例：Another discomfort of our age is that we areexperiencing interpersonal alienation.對(duì)比平庸范例：The seconddisadvantage of this generation is that we areindifferent.這個(gè)平庸范例簡(jiǎn)直就是慘不忍睹??！首先這個(gè)優(yōu)秀范例準(zhǔn)確地給出了discomfort這個(gè)詞，不像是平庸范例僅僅給出了disadvantage，，很顯然“缺點(diǎn)”可能是“傲慢”、可能是“貧困”，指代很不明確，但是優(yōu)秀范例給出了discomfort，這就很準(zhǔn)確，不僅如此，優(yōu)秀范例后面的alienation則更是驚艷！顯得作者的詞匯量十分龐大，這個(gè)詞的重點(diǎn)顯然不是這個(gè)詞有多么生僻，恰恰相反，其實(shí)alien這個(gè)詞很常見(jiàn)，但是我們卻很少能想起來(lái)用到alienation！是因?yàn)檫@一點(diǎn)，顯示出了作者的閱讀量的強(qiáng)大！

然后第二句With the development of communication technology, people infact become alienated with friends and relatives, since they couldbe merely accessed via phone or email.對(duì)比平庸范例的With the developmentof the communication, people are becoming more and more indifferentwith our friends and relatives, because we only connect bytelephone and email.首先“With the development of communicationtechnology”與“With the development of thecommunication”僅差一個(gè)technology，到底孰優(yōu)孰劣真的是見(jiàn)仁見(jiàn)智，有的認(rèn)為前者更準(zhǔn)確，有的則認(rèn)為后者更簡(jiǎn)潔，真的是很難分出好壞。但是后面的差距就很明顯了，顯然作者將alien一詞多用，這次又用到了他的動(dòng)詞詞性，真的是讓人眼前一亮！然后再接下來(lái)的access和via則真的是星光熠熠！首先很多考友很難想到用access這個(gè)詞來(lái)表示“與XXX產(chǎn)生聯(lián)系”，然后via這個(gè)詞則是更少能在國(guó)內(nèi)的考友的文章當(dāng)中見(jiàn)到！其實(shí)via這個(gè)詞，非常類(lèi)似與我們用by，或者in來(lái)表示“通過(guò)XXX方式”，本篇文章的詞匯量不見(jiàn)得多大，但是能把常用的詞用的準(zhǔn)確到位，顯然是本篇文章的亮點(diǎn)！

第三句，優(yōu)秀范例寫(xiě)的是：Too often we feel that few of our friends are truefriends, without the traditional feeling of mutual affection whichcould only be created by longtime apart.對(duì)比平庸范例we barely feel thatthere are not real friends, because we have left each other toolong, and we lost the traditional feeling of paying attention toeach other.顯然優(yōu)秀范例為了增加句子的多樣性，在句子前面加了一個(gè)toooften這個(gè)非常規(guī)的用法，來(lái)表示頻率。然后作者甩出一個(gè)without，好像是平淡無(wú)奇，但是實(shí)際上，仔細(xì)讀下，我們就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)里面其實(shí)隱含著一種因果關(guān)系，就是因?yàn)閣ithout，所以我們才會(huì)感覺(jué)到真正的朋友的稀少，這是很多人的文章當(dāng)中所缺乏的！也就是隱藏在文章字里行間之中的那種邏輯！而不是生硬的用邏輯關(guān)系詞來(lái)表示邏輯！然后再接下來(lái)的mutual只能說(shuō)是樓主的詞匯量豐富，但是后面的affection則是大亮點(diǎn)！因?yàn)槠鋵?shí)affection并不能用某一個(gè)中國(guó)的詞來(lái)進(jìn)行解釋?zhuān)绻且忉尩脑挘梢越忉尀椤皳磹?ài)”或者說(shuō)是“一種眷戀的喜愛(ài)”，隱含著一種“深深地情愫”在里面，如果仔細(xì)的觀察我們自己的作文的話，往往會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)我們常用的詞都是一些可以直譯為中文的詞，像這樣很難翻譯成中文的詞，我們是很少用的，因此在這里L(fēng)Z用到了這樣的詞，可以顯示出作者對(duì)于教育能力非常的好！然后優(yōu)秀范例又用了becreated by來(lái)表示因果邏輯，顯得清新脫俗，有見(jiàn)地！至于最后的longtime apart則是水到渠成的選擇。

最后一句，優(yōu)秀范例But several decades ago, people treasured their friendsand maintained relatively close interpersonal relations, which ismuch more enjoyable than the estrangements we areexperiencing.對(duì)比平庸范例But many years ago, people will pay attention totheir friends, and keep the good relation with their friends, andthese will much better than the disconnected relation betweenpeople.顯然平庸范例很扭捏的寫(xiě)出了many years，面對(duì)優(yōu)秀范例的severaldecades，幾乎無(wú)地自容！然后接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例很霸氣的用到了treasure的動(dòng)詞的詞性“珍視”面對(duì)很多考友都不知道這個(gè)單詞有“珍寶”的意思，顯然能用到了它的動(dòng)詞詞性，是一種很顯然的高等級(jí)的攻擊！然后優(yōu)秀范例給出了maintainedrelatively close interpersonalrelations這一串組合拳，顯然沒(méi)一個(gè)詞都不算是很難的詞，甚至都是很常見(jiàn)的詞，但是我們竟然很少想到把它們放在一起，真的是讓人羞愧！當(dāng)然關(guān)鍵是closeinterpersonal是最難想到的，至于前面加的relatively，則是一種這種水平的必然選擇。至于接下來(lái)，那就兇悍了！首先moreenjoyable than這就是我們很少能想到的用法，其實(shí)有點(diǎn)類(lèi)似于prefer或者are morelikely，當(dāng)然prefer我們已經(jīng)很少用到了，接下來(lái)有抖手一鏢拋出了estrangement“疏遠(yuǎn)”，我們才發(fā)現(xiàn)作者真的是深藏不漏，這個(gè)詞真的是要想一下才能從詞根中猜測(cè)出是“疏遠(yuǎn)”的意思，對(duì)比一下平庸范例，就會(huì)覺(jué)得平庸范例寫(xiě)的都是干巴巴的沒(méi)有文采。

多讀，多寫(xiě)，多體會(huì)，才是王道??！

2013年3月

無(wú)老師滿分范例：The last factor that has made our age so uncomfortable isthe abusive use of technology. Although it brings much convenience,it essentially changes human – we are no longerthe master of tools, but instead the slaves of devices. We rush tometro station in order to catch an early train, sit in front ofradioactive computers all day long in order to get our work done,and stay in air-conditioned rooms all summer without experiencingthe natural changes outside thick cement walls. Several decadesago, people could still live closer to nature and make rational useof modern technology, which to me is the essence of human livingexperience.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯：最后一個(gè)使我們這個(gè)時(shí)代如此的不舒服是對(duì)科技的濫用。雖然它帶來(lái)了很多便利，但是他本質(zhì)上來(lái)說(shuō)改變了我們的生活。我們不再是工具的主人，恰恰相反，我們變成了工具的奴隸。我們匆忙地奔向地鐵站，就是為了趕上早班的火車(chē)，整天坐在輻射的電腦屏幕前，為了把我們的工作做完，夏天整個(gè)呆在空調(diào)房里面，而沒(méi)有享受厚厚的混凝土外墻外的自然的變化。很多年前，人們可以與自然生活的很親密，很理性的使用現(xiàn)代科技，這對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)該是人類(lèi)活著的本質(zhì)。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：The last reason that makes me uncomfortable is the abuse ofthe technology. Although it brings much convenience, it greatlychanges our life. We are no longer owner of the tools, on thecontrary, we become the slave of the tools. We come to the stationto catch up the early train, sit in front of the computer to do ourjob, stay in the air-conditioner room, and do not enjoy the changeof the nature outside the cement wall. Many years ago, human liveclosely with the nature, and use the technology cleverly, and thatis the nature of life for me.

估計(jì)很多考友，當(dāng)看到中文翻譯的時(shí)候，就已經(jīng)預(yù)感到了什么，然后當(dāng)真的看到平庸范例的時(shí)候，自然會(huì)會(huì)心一笑。因?yàn)閮?yōu)秀范例和平庸范例真的是太接近了，不是原文寫(xiě)的不好，恰恰相反，因?yàn)楸酒恼碌淖髡哂⑽墓αΓ瑧?yīng)該屬于中上等，但是優(yōu)秀的文學(xué)功底抹平了一切，哪怕當(dāng)我們單純看中文翻譯的時(shí)候，都會(huì)覺(jué)得這篇文章寫(xiě)得不錯(cuò)，自然通過(guò)中文翻譯，又反過(guò)來(lái)翻譯成英文的平庸范例也沒(méi)有差得很遠(yuǎn)。其實(shí)我們可以比較一下就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，就同樣的內(nèi)容，讓我們用中文來(lái)寫(xiě)，恐怕都沒(méi)有原作者寫(xiě)得好，再加上英文能力的差距，就使兩者相差得越來(lái)越大了。因此我們下面的篇幅，更多的是來(lái)分析作者的優(yōu)秀范例，在平庸范例上的筆墨自然就會(huì)少很多了。

第一句，優(yōu)秀范例：The last factor that has made our age so uncomfortable isthe abusive use of technology.對(duì)比平庸范例：The last reason that makes meuncomfortable is the abuse of thetechnology.優(yōu)秀范例和平庸范例都用了從句的方式來(lái)表達(dá)這句話，，但是差別在于優(yōu)秀范例之中作者能想到3個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)點(diǎn)，是它的亮點(diǎn)，第一、age，第二、so，第三、abusiveuse。首先用age來(lái)表示“時(shí)代”，我們很少用到，接下來(lái)，so雖然我們常用，但是我們常用其表示因果聯(lián)系，很少用他來(lái)表示“如此”這層含義，想一想，我們平時(shí)此處經(jīng)常用的是very。第三abuse這個(gè)詞我們本身就很少見(jiàn)到，自然用到就更少了。

第二句，優(yōu)秀范例Although it brings much convenience, it essentially changeshuman – we are no longer the master of tools, butinstead the slaves of devices.對(duì)比平庸范例Although it brings muchconvenience, it greatly changes our life. We are no longer owner ofthe tools, on the contrary, we become the slave of thetools.其實(shí)優(yōu)秀范例，僅就句式來(lái)說(shuō)，并沒(méi)有什么很有亮點(diǎn)的地方，優(yōu)秀范例的有點(diǎn)主要是在于用詞和想法取勝。首先，brings muchconvenience說(shuō)實(shí)話真的挺俗的，但是后面的essentially一詞用的很好，表示本質(zhì)上的，根本上的。但是平庸范例只能想到greatly這個(gè)詞，實(shí)在是詞匯量太貧乏，筒子們，看什么看，還不趕快拿小本記下來(lái)！然后再接下來(lái)themaster oftools這個(gè)用法不稱(chēng)奇，但是能深刻的認(rèn)識(shí)到我們變成了“工具的奴隸”，這一點(diǎn)令我們印象深刻。然后再接下來(lái)一個(gè)固定搭配，notbut，增加了句子的內(nèi)在邏輯連貫性，然后一個(gè)instead指示出了變化的趨勢(shì)，很漂亮！當(dāng)然，作者沒(méi)有繼續(xù)僵化的用tool而是換用了device，也算是小亮點(diǎn)。

接下來(lái)，優(yōu)秀范例We rush to metro station in order to catch an early train,sit in front of radioactive computers all day long in order to getour work done, and stay in air-conditioned rooms all summer withoutexperiencing the natural changes outside thick cementwalls.對(duì)比平庸范例We come to the station to catch up the early train, sitin front of the computer to do our job, stay in the air-conditionerroom, and do not enjoy the change of the nature outside the cementwall.這句話可厲害了！首先優(yōu)秀范例能想到用rush的動(dòng)詞詞性表示急急忙忙的趕到車(chē)站，用詞非常準(zhǔn)確！然后再接下來(lái)metro一詞用的很地道，應(yīng)該廣州和深圳的筒子們都有這個(gè)趕腳，然后再接下來(lái)一個(gè)earlytrain說(shuō)出rush的原因，同時(shí)也寫(xiě)出了筆者的生活到底有多么的苦逼，巧妙！然后再接下來(lái)，computer沒(méi)有用monitor這個(gè)詞，顯然是一個(gè)敗筆，但是用radioactive一次寫(xiě)出了這里面的危害，很漂亮！不僅如此，inorderto，而不僅僅是一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的to，顯示出作者詞匯量的豐富。其后，air-conditioned就是水到渠成了，因?yàn)楫吘故窍氲搅酥形模匀痪蜁?huì)出現(xiàn)這個(gè)詞，不過(guò)后面用到了簡(jiǎn)潔的without一詞，而不是用到butnot，則是顯示出行文已經(jīng)比較成熟了，是的邏輯連貫性特別好，至于最后的thick cementwalls則是文學(xué)功底使然，跟英文高低關(guān)系不大。

最后一句話，優(yōu)秀范例Several decades ago, people could still live closer tonature and make rational use of modern technology, which to me isthe essence of human living experience.對(duì)比平庸范例Many years ago, humanlive closely with the nature, and use the technology cleverly, andthat is the nature of life forme.首先，優(yōu)秀范例又是拋出了優(yōu)秀作文常用的decade，好吧，敗給你了。然后make rational useof！驚艷！竟然沒(méi)有把rational用成一個(gè)副詞，而且還跟make use of這個(gè)固定搭配配合得很好，真是精彩！最后的tome首先限定出了作用的范圍，然后的the essenceof不僅用到了“本質(zhì)”這么深刻的概念，而且還沒(méi)有落俗套的再用到nature，不僅顯示作者文學(xué)功底很好，而且還顯示出作者詞匯量很豐富，令人印象深刻！

看來(lái)文筆好，在哪種語(yǔ)言里都是有優(yōu)勢(shì)啊。

2013年4月

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀范例：But the norm that a “good” product is advertised as a“better” one is often challenged or even reversed– that is, unscrupulous businessmen make use ofadvertising to sell inferior products, which raises a moralquestion. For example, my mother was once attracted by a commercialof a encyclopedia which was claimed to be the one and only completeversion of several ancient Chinese documents. She rushed to theshop and bought this “l(fā)imited version” at a eye-popping price, andregarded it as one of the most precious things in our house.However, a few months later she found the same version was sold inbulk at another shop at an unbelievably low price, which annoyedher for quite a long time. We can learn from the experience that weshould not always trust the advertisements that are apparentlyexaggerating products, and keep alert in the swarm of televisioncommercials.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯：把一個(gè)還可以的商品，說(shuō)成是一個(gè)最好（為了中文的有效傳達(dá)，因此如此翻譯）的商品的這樣的做事準(zhǔn)則常常是被挑戰(zhàn)，甚至是推翻，也就是，那些無(wú)良的商人利用廣告來(lái)賣(mài)劣質(zhì)商品，這就產(chǎn)生了一個(gè)道德問(wèn)題。比如說(shuō)，我媽媽有一次就被一個(gè)百科全書(shū)的廣告吸引，這個(gè)百科全書(shū)被聲稱(chēng)是一個(gè)，同時(shí)也是唯一的一個(gè)很多中國(guó)古代文件的完整版。她沖去商店，以一個(gè)驚人的價(jià)格買(mǎi)了這個(gè)限量版，并且將其看作是屋里最珍貴的物品之一。但是，幾個(gè)月后，他看到了同樣的書(shū)在另一家商店里，以一個(gè)很低的價(jià)格在甩賣(mài)，這使得她鬧心了很久。我們可以從中得出，我們并不應(yīng)該一直相信廣告，并且對(duì)這些商業(yè)廣告保持警惕。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：The behavior that we boost the good things in to greatthings is always criticized and even turned over, that is, thosebad businessmen use the advertisement to sell bad things, whichmakes a moral question. For example, my mother was attracted by aadvertisement of encyclopaedia, they say the encyclopaedia is theone, and the encyclopaedia is the only full version of Chinesepapers. Then she ran to the bookstore, and bought this limitedversion in very high price, and think it is the most importantthing in my house. But a few months later, she saw the same book inanother bookstore, and the bookstore sold it in very low price, andshe was very unhappy. We can learn that we should not always trustadvertisements, and we should be careful of the advertisements.

本段優(yōu)秀范例的優(yōu)勢(shì)，主要是在于用詞的多樣和句式的靈活，但是句式的多樣？所見(jiàn)不多。

首先優(yōu)秀范例的第一句：But the norm that a “good” product is advertised as a“better” one is often challenged or even reversed– that is, unscrupulous businessmen make use ofadvertising to sell inferior products, which raises a moralquestion.對(duì)比平庸范例The behavior that we boost the good things intogreat things is always criticized and even turned over, that is,those bad businessmen use the advertisement to sell bad things,which makes a moralquestion.顯然優(yōu)秀范例的norm就讓我們一驚！原來(lái)norm這個(gè)單詞除了“標(biāo)準(zhǔn)”一意，還能稍微沾一點(diǎn)“做事方式”的意思，然后接下來(lái)平庸范例的boost，與優(yōu)秀范例的advertise都算比較書(shū)面化。但是平庸范例的great就沒(méi)有優(yōu)秀范例的better好了，因?yàn)閎etter是good的比較級(jí)，本身是有比前者good更好的感覺(jué)存在的，great雖然也表示“很好”，但是與前面的good的天然聯(lián)系就不夠了。然后顯然接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例的reverse和unscrupulous寫(xiě)得小兇悍，我們確實(shí)平時(shí)很少想到。而且下面優(yōu)秀范例還用了固定搭配makeuse of，大亮點(diǎn)！而且優(yōu)秀范例接下來(lái)還不落俗套的用到了inferior和raise這兩個(gè)詞，讓人印象深刻！

第二句：優(yōu)秀范例For example, my mother was once attracted by a commercialof a encyclopedia which was claimed to be the one and only completeversion of several ancient Chinese documents.對(duì)比平庸范例For example, mymother was attracted by a advertisement of encyclopaedia, they saythe encyclopaedia is the one, and the encyclopaedia is the onlyfull version of Chinesepapers.優(yōu)秀范例once一個(gè)小詞，表明了發(fā)生的時(shí)間，然后接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例為了避免用詞重復(fù)因此沒(méi)有再用advertisement而是用了commercial，讓人直接聯(lián)想到商業(yè)廣告，寫(xiě)得漂亮。然后接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例用了wasclaimed tobe，我們很少能想到這樣的用法，有加分！最后對(duì)比平庸范例，顯然在表述唯一的時(shí)候，平庸范例很笨拙的翻譯為encyclopaedia isthe one, and the encyclopaedia is theonly，顯然的中式表達(dá)，不過(guò)其實(shí)這里最大的亮點(diǎn)是在于the one andonly這樣遞進(jìn)的強(qiáng)調(diào)方式，顯得很有新意。當(dāng)然，優(yōu)秀范例最后能用到ancient和document，保證了整句的水準(zhǔn)。

第三句優(yōu)秀范例則是整段最大的亮點(diǎn)She rushed to the shop and bought this “l(fā)imitedversion” at a eye-popping price, and regarded it as one of the mostprecious things in our house.，對(duì)比平庸范例Then she ran to the bookstore,and bought this limited version in very high price, and think it isthe most important thing in myhouse.首先用到的一個(gè)小詞rush，表示出的匆匆忙忙的這個(gè)感覺(jué)，是run這個(gè)題體現(xiàn)不出來(lái)的，然后limitedversion則是用的很地道，當(dāng)然最漂亮的就是at a eye-poppingprice一個(gè)讓眼睛瞪出來(lái)的價(jià)格！表示價(jià)格非常的高！顯然非常具有畫(huà)面感！本段最大的亮點(diǎn)！性比起來(lái)接下來(lái)的precious“很珍貴的”也算是不錯(cuò)的詞，但是就沒(méi)有ata eye-popping price這么形象了。

其后，第四句話，優(yōu)秀范例However, a few months later she found the same versionwas sold in bulk at another shop at an unbelievably low price,which annoyed her for quite a long time.相比于平庸范例But a few monthslater, she saw the same book in another bookstore, and thebookstore sold it in very low price, and she was veryunhappy.顯然優(yōu)秀范例用了version來(lái)表示同一本書(shū)，而且還是相同的版本，避免了再次使用book這個(gè)詞的尷尬，而且表達(dá)的更為準(zhǔn)確。而且這里作者還用到了inbulk來(lái)修飾sold，一下子就將前面一句話里面的limitedversion呼應(yīng)起來(lái)，更強(qiáng)烈的對(duì)比出媽媽的窘境。然后再用unbelievably lowprice給這本書(shū)敲上最后一課釘子，呼應(yīng)前面的at a eye-poppingprice，寫(xiě)得很漂亮。最后作者又亮出了annoy這個(gè)詞，再次炫耀一下自己的單詞量。

最后一句話，優(yōu)秀范例We can learn from the experience that we should notalways trust the advertisements that are apparently exaggeratingproducts, and keep alert in the swarm of televisioncommercials.對(duì)比平庸范例We can learn that we should not always trustadvertisements, and we should be careful of theadvertisements.顯然作者在這里沒(méi)有很平淡的直接寫(xiě)we learn that而是加上了from theexperience是的句子不會(huì)顯得很死板，然后作者在句式的多樣性上就沒(méi)什么貢獻(xiàn)了，不過(guò)在詞匯的運(yùn)用上倒是亮點(diǎn)頗多，apparently，exaggerating，swarm都顯示出作者的詞匯量豐富，尤其是最后的keepalert in和television commercial更是顯示出作者的積累很豐富，否則是想不出來(lái)這樣的表達(dá)的。

2013年5月

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀范例：What’s more, even though I am truly a food lover, I valuemore about the historical and art meaning of the sites. As aChinese old saying goes, traveling ten thousand miles and readingten thousand books is the top idea for people. The sites are likehuge history books lying there, waiting for us to read. They leadus into a great art class, showing us either natural sights or theextremely skillful artificialities. Besides, the purpose for travelis to extend my outlooks. Food is certainly one way to do that, butit only constitutes a small part of how we can experience the localcultures. And friends are surely great for the company, but theycan also keep your mindset trapped in familiar territory whileabroad.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯：不僅如此，雖然我真的是一個(gè)吃貨，但是我更看重這些地方的歷史和藝術(shù)意義。就像中國(guó)古人講的：行萬(wàn)里路，讀完卷書(shū)是人生的要義。這些景點(diǎn)就像是躺在那里的歷史書(shū)，等著我們?nèi)テ吩u(píng)。他會(huì)將我們引入一個(gè)巨大的藝術(shù)課堂，不僅會(huì)給我們展示自然美景，還會(huì)給我們展示極為精巧的藝術(shù)品。除此之外，旅行的目的也是拓寬我們的視野。美食當(dāng)然是一部分因素，但是這只是我們感受當(dāng)?shù)匚幕囊恍〔糠帧Ｅ笥炎鳛槁眯械呐惆檎邅?lái)說(shuō)自然是很好的，但是他們會(huì)使你的思維模式陷入到固定的領(lǐng)域，在出國(guó)的時(shí)候。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：And, I really like food, but I prefer these places’historical and art meaning. Like Chinese elder saying: walkingmillion miles and reading billions volumes is very important forlife. These places are the lying books, they wait for reading. Theywill lead us to a big art class, they not only show off thebeautiful landscape, but also show off will good artwork. Besides,the purpose of travelling is widening our view. Delicious food is apart of it, but it is only a small part of enjoying local culture.As a company, friends is great, but they will push you stay in afixed thinking model, when you are in the other countries.

這篇文章的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，一方面是遣詞造句很好，但是跟重要的是此作者的思維和表達(dá)方式都已經(jīng)非常地道了，這是非常難得的！

無(wú)老師精析：第一句，優(yōu)秀范例What’s more, even though I am truly a food lover, Ivalue more about the historical and art meaning of thesites.對(duì)比平庸范例And, I really like food, but I prefer these places’historical and art meaning.我們會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)平庸范例的likefood雖然說(shuō)得也對(duì)，也符合英語(yǔ)語(yǔ)法，但是優(yōu)秀范例很地道的用名詞性的foodlover來(lái)表示，就顯得很地道！然后再接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例的value也沒(méi)有像平庸范例生硬的直譯成prefer，而是直接用英式的思維方式“看重”這個(gè)概念來(lái)表示喜愛(ài)，頗有鎮(zhèn)魂單詞題的感覺(jué)！而且在最后，優(yōu)秀范例還用了Aof B的形式來(lái)表示“XXX的”也是很書(shū)面的感覺(jué)。

第二句，優(yōu)秀范例As a Chinese old saying goes, traveling ten thousand milesand reading ten thousand books is the top idea for people.和平庸范例LikeChinese elder saying: walking million miles and reading billionsvolumes is very important for life.這里優(yōu)秀范例的優(yōu)點(diǎn)就是在于As a Chinese oldsaying goes這個(gè)接近于固定搭配的結(jié)構(gòu)用的很好。再就是最后的is the top ideafor很有想法！一定要記下來(lái)！至于平庸范例，呵呵。僅僅是人家能看懂而已。寫(xiě)得不夠地道。

下面，優(yōu)秀范例：The sites are like huge history books lying there, waitingfor us to read.對(duì)比平庸范例These places are the lying books, they waitfor reading.首先site本身有地點(diǎn)和景點(diǎn)的意思，這顯然比place這個(gè)單詞表意要準(zhǔn)確得多。而且優(yōu)秀范例的hugehistory books lying there顯然有一種畫(huà)面感，躍然紙上，但是平庸范例are the lyingbooks沒(méi)給人這種感覺(jué)。還有就是優(yōu)秀范例的waiting for us toread，一個(gè)伴隨狀語(yǔ)，感覺(jué)與主句一氣呵成，這比平庸范例又起一句話顯然更流暢一點(diǎn)。

第四句，優(yōu)秀范例They lead us into a great art class, showing us eithernatural sights or the extremely skillfulartificialities.對(duì)比平庸范例的They will lead us to a big art class, theynot only show off the beautiful landscape, but also show off willgoodartwork.第一句差別不大，只是平庸范例的big略土，然后接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例再次祭出doing這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)鏈接主句，而且還用了either…or…的結(jié)構(gòu)進(jìn)行連接，使得整句話形成一個(gè)整體，環(huán)環(huán)相扣。而且naturalsights和extremely skillfulartificialities，想一想，我們平時(shí)有可能很少都見(jiàn)到這樣的表達(dá)方法，充分顯示出作者的詞匯量！

第五句，優(yōu)秀范例Besides, the purpose for travel is to extend myoutlooks.與平庸范例Besides, the purpose of travelling is widening ourview.其實(shí)差別不大。

第六句，高潮來(lái)了！優(yōu)秀范例Food is certainly one way to do that, but it onlyconstitutes a small part of how we can experience the localcultures.對(duì)比平庸范例Delicious food is a part of it, but it is only asmall part of enjoying local culture.顯然平庸范例的is a part ofit寫(xiě)的是對(duì)的。但是當(dāng)我們看到優(yōu)秀范例的時(shí)候，馬上明白了，雖然優(yōu)秀范例one way to dothat的詞都很簡(jiǎn)單，但是顯然地道的多！然后優(yōu)秀范例用了constitute更精確的用到了“組成”這個(gè)含義，這是平庸范例的is做不到的。至于最后的優(yōu)秀范例的howwe can experience the local cultures和平庸范例的enjoying localculture就差別不大了。

整篇文章的最后一句，則更顯地道！優(yōu)秀范例And friends are surely great for the company,but they can also keep your mindset trapped in familiar territorywhile abroad.對(duì)比平庸范例As a company, friends is great, but they willpush you stay in a fixed thinking model, when you are in the othercountries.不知各位考友有沒(méi)有感覺(jué)，在翻譯這句優(yōu)秀范例的時(shí)候，有點(diǎn)感覺(jué)無(wú)從下嘴，都能看懂，但是翻譯成中文就是很怪！之所以這樣，是因?yàn)樵趦?yōu)秀范例之中，for，我們最常用的意思是“為了XXX目的”，直譯過(guò)來(lái)就是“為了伴隨的目的”，但是在中文之中，我們當(dāng)說(shuō)“伴隨”這個(gè)意思的時(shí)候，中文的邏輯是as“作為”這層意思，這是兩種語(yǔ)言之間的邏輯而導(dǎo)致的表達(dá)方式不同。所以說(shuō)優(yōu)秀范例很地道，然后優(yōu)秀范例的keepyour mindset trapped in familiarterritory用詞頗有眼花繚亂的感覺(jué)！充分顯示出作者兇悍的詞匯量和閱讀量！我們的第一感覺(jué)很有可能是，我們都沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)這么寫(xiě)的！這就是本句話的優(yōu)勢(shì)所在！

2013年6月

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀范例: A clear career goal is the cornerstone of student’s futuredevelopment. Providing a targeted course about career planning cangive orientations of students’ suitable occupation development.Introductions for proper fields may inspire students’ interests onacquiring more specific knowledge by themselves. Also, this processwill help build a bridge from the tower of ivory to a real society.Adequately preparations and practical skills will be taught aboutdealing with relationships with interviewers and workmates in thefuture. Thus, students benefit a lot for having deepercomprehension about career and their suitable jobs.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀翻譯：一個(gè)清晰的職業(yè)目標(biāo)是學(xué)生未來(lái)發(fā)展的基石.為將來(lái)的職業(yè)規(guī)劃學(xué)一門(mén)目標(biāo)課程,可以給學(xué)生們合適的職業(yè)發(fā)展的方向。對(duì)于合適的領(lǐng)域的介紹，可以激發(fā)學(xué)生們自己獲取更多專(zhuān)業(yè)知識(shí)的興趣。同時(shí)，這樣的過(guò)程，也會(huì)幫助建立一個(gè)，從象牙塔通向現(xiàn)實(shí)社會(huì)的橋梁。充分的準(zhǔn)備和實(shí)用的技巧將會(huì)被傳授，它們包括如何在將來(lái)處理與面試者和同事的關(guān)系。因此，學(xué)生們會(huì)學(xué)到很多對(duì)于職業(yè)和合適的工作的深入的理解。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：A clear job plan is the footstone of the futuredevelopment. Studying a target class for career plan will givestudents proper job plan. The introduction of the proper field willencourage the interest of getting more professional knowledge bythemselves. At the same time, the process will help to build abridge which connect the tower of elephant’s tusk and the society.Good preparation and useful skills will be taught, it will includehow to solve the relationship with the interviewer and thecolleagues. So students will a lot about the job plan and theproper job.

如果，我們將所有的優(yōu)秀作文，進(jìn)行橫向比較的話，本篇作文一定不是在句式上取勝的！本篇優(yōu)秀范例的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，主要就是在于用詞！但是當(dāng)用詞非常準(zhǔn)確時(shí)，就會(huì)出現(xiàn)一個(gè)問(wèn)題，就是優(yōu)秀范例與平庸范例之間的差別不大，因此本次的講解主要在于優(yōu)秀范例！

首先第一句，優(yōu)秀范例：A clear career goal is the cornerstone of students’future development.對(duì)比平庸范例：A clear job plan is the footstone of thefuture development.顯然這里優(yōu)秀范例的goal這個(gè)詞我們很少想到，我們經(jīng)常就是在使用clearcareer這樣的表達(dá)方法，很少想到與goal連在一起。其后cornerstone基石這個(gè)詞，也充分顯示出作者的詞匯量，平時(shí)我們還是用basic多一點(diǎn)。

接下來(lái)，優(yōu)秀范例Providing a targeted course about career planning can giveorientations of students’ suitable occupationdevelopment.對(duì)比平庸范例：Studying a target class for career plan willgive students proper jobplan.優(yōu)秀范例的第一亮點(diǎn)就在于targeted這個(gè)詞的使用，將target這個(gè)平時(shí)最為常見(jiàn)于名詞詞性的詞動(dòng)詞化，然后再用其的過(guò)去分詞形式，很漂亮！然后orientation和occupation其實(shí)與introduction和job以及career意思都很接近，但是作者就是能用不同的表達(dá)方式，就是要秀自己的詞匯量！

第三句，優(yōu)秀范例：Introductions for proper fields may inspire students’interests on acquiring more specific knowledge bythemselves.比較于平庸范例The introduction of the proper field willencourage the interest of getting more professional knowledge bythemselves.這個(gè)第三句的優(yōu)秀范例實(shí)在是覺(jué)得在job、career這幾個(gè)詞來(lái)回游蕩太乏味了，于是寫(xiě)出了field“領(lǐng)域“，但是由于前面都是在寫(xiě)“工作”，我們自然也心領(lǐng)神會(huì)，這是工作或者專(zhuān)業(yè)領(lǐng)域。然后inspire自然用的是很地道，平庸范例的對(duì)應(yīng)詞encourage就實(shí)在是“呵呵”了，用在這里稍顯中式英語(yǔ)。至于最后，當(dāng)然是acquire和specific這兩個(gè)詞用的很好。

第四句的優(yōu)點(diǎn)則在于作者閱讀量，或者作者的一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)文采！優(yōu)秀范例：Also, this process will help build abridge from the tower of ivory to a real society.對(duì)比平庸范例：At the sametime, the process will help to build a bridge which connect thetower of elephant’s tusk and thesociety.“架起了兩者之間的橋梁“。雖然讀起來(lái)略像是小學(xué)生作文之中的句子，但是能用在這篇嚴(yán)肅的議論文中，已經(jīng)很有文學(xué)氣息了，好么！而且作者后面的“象牙塔”寫(xiě)的還那么準(zhǔn)確towerof ivory。再回頭看平庸范例的the tower of elephant’s tusk，簡(jiǎn)直就是good good study,day day up的翻版啊！不自黑一下，難平民憤?。?/p>

其后，優(yōu)秀范例為Adequately preparations and practical skills will be taughtabout dealing with relationships with interviewers and workmates inthe future.再來(lái)看平庸范例：Good preparation and useful skills will betaught, it will include how to solve the relationship with theinterviewer and thecolleagues.看到這里真的覺(jué)得作者已經(jīng)非常痛苦了！大而空的東西寫(xiě)多了，真的是難以為繼?。∽髡吆貌蝗菀子窒氲搅?，課程里面該教點(diǎn)什么？自然要教一些技能了！于是就又寫(xiě)出了Adequatelypreparations and practicalskills。否則作者真的要抓狂了。至于后面的interviewers和workmates，應(yīng)該算是中等偏上的表達(dá)方法，算不得特別亮眼。

最后一句，優(yōu)秀范例寫(xiě)的是Thus, students benefit a lot for having deepercomprehension about career and their suitable jobs.平庸范例則是潦草收?qǐng)鯯ostudents will a lot about the job plan and the properjob.看到優(yōu)秀范例的having真的忍不住蛋疼菊緊，你們以后再用having的時(shí)候，能不能試一下去掉having，看看這句話是否通順！很多情況下，我們用的have用的是真沒(méi)必要！至于優(yōu)點(diǎn)，優(yōu)秀范例的benefit和comprehension也是可以算中等偏上的，但是僅此而已。平庸范例？算了吧，太幼稚園了！

2013年7月

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀范例：In the lecture, the professor casts doubt on the readingpassage that deep-sea mining is hopeful.

First of all, according to the lecture, although there are richscarcely metals near volcanic vent of seabed, immediate technologyfor deep-sea mining is undeveloped and the metals from the miningare not always available. For example, it is hard to separatemetals from the sediment in terms of collecting technology.Moreover, transferring the metals out of the sea is not easy withrespect to transportation.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯：在聽(tīng)力之中，教授質(zhì)疑閱讀的材料當(dāng)中所說(shuō)的深海礦產(chǎn)是很有希望的。

首先，根據(jù)聽(tīng)力，雖然在靠近海床通氣孔的位置，有很多稀有金屬，但是現(xiàn)在的深海開(kāi)采技術(shù)還不夠先進(jìn)，這些礦倉(cāng)的金屬其實(shí)開(kāi)采不到。例如，現(xiàn)在難以從現(xiàn)在的開(kāi)采技術(shù)所獲得的沉積層當(dāng)中分離金屬。而且，考慮到運(yùn)輸?shù)膯?wèn)題，其實(shí)從大海之中得到這些金屬并不容易。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：In the lecture, the professor stands on the other side ofthe reading that digging the mine in the deep sea is hopeful.

First of all, according to the lecture, although there are manyrare metals near the volcanic vent of sea floor, the technology ofthe deep sea mining is not good enough for dig these metal. Forexample, it is hard for us to separate these rare metals from thesediments that we excavate in the deep sea. What’s more,considering the trouble in the transportation, it is not easy forus to transfer these rare metals.

總有筒子們要求無(wú)老師再講講綜合作文，無(wú)老師這個(gè)月就找一個(gè)滿分的綜合作文跟大家聊聊。在出國(guó)留學(xué)這個(gè)圈子里，很多人就是喜歡怪力亂神，稱(chēng)個(gè)王，封個(gè)后，你這邊是教父，我那邊是教主，左邊一個(gè)XX閱讀法，右邊一個(gè)山山作文法，其實(shí)沒(méi)必要，綜合作文這東西，說(shuō)白了，就是在考你的聽(tīng)力水平幾何，因?yàn)槿思议喿x原文都已經(jīng)擺在那里了，還需要你說(shuō)什么呢，其實(shí)就是要考你聽(tīng)力的內(nèi)容聽(tīng)懂了多少，以及你能寫(xiě)出來(lái)多少。

至于大家最常見(jiàn)的5個(gè)問(wèn)題，答案也很簡(jiǎn)單。
1 可以用模板么？
答：可以，因?yàn)槟０宀⒉荒芨淖兡懵?tīng)力聽(tīng)懂多少和還原出多少。
2 先寫(xiě)聽(tīng)力，還是先寫(xiě)閱讀？

答：不重要，都可以，完全不影響分?jǐn)?shù)
3 聽(tīng)力要寫(xiě)多少？
答：70-80%以上都要是聽(tīng)力，閱讀就每段隨便提一句就好，不提也行。
4 聽(tīng)力和閱讀可以寫(xiě)原文么？
答：不可以寫(xiě)一模一樣的原文，一定要經(jīng)過(guò)自己改寫(xiě)。
對(duì)了，很多人還關(guān)心師太，啊不對(duì)，應(yīng)該是時(shí)態(tài)，其實(shí)無(wú)所謂，你喜歡用過(guò)去時(shí)也行，像本篇文章一樣用現(xiàn)在時(shí)也可以。

很顯然，由于優(yōu)秀作文的原文太扎實(shí)了，因此該寫(xiě)出的平庸范例水平十分相近，只是在句式和用詞上，無(wú)老師努力讓他缺少變化了一點(diǎn)。

第一段，優(yōu)秀范例In the lecture, the professor casts doubt on the readingpassage that deep-sea mining is hopeful.對(duì)比平庸范例：In the lecture, theprofessor stands on the other side of the reading that digging themine in the deep sea ishopeful.好吧，無(wú)老師錯(cuò)了，平庸范例寫(xiě)的稍微比優(yōu)秀范例好了一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)，主要是因?yàn)閟tands on the other sideof the reading寫(xiě)的惟妙惟肖。

第二句，優(yōu)秀范例First of all, according to the lecture, although there arerich scarcely metals near volcanic vent of seabed, immediatetechnology for deep-sea mining is undeveloped and the metals fromthe mining are not always available.對(duì)比平庸范例First of all, accordingto the lecture, although there are many rare metals near thevolcanic vent of sea floor, the technology of the deep sea miningis not good enough for dig thesemetal.顯然優(yōu)秀范例的rich比平庸范例的many更形象一點(diǎn)。然后優(yōu)秀范例的near volcanic vent ofseabed，對(duì)比平庸范例的sea floor顯然優(yōu)秀范例單詞量很大。然后優(yōu)秀范例竟然用到了immediatetechnology和undeveloped來(lái)分別表示最新的技術(shù)和不夠發(fā)達(dá)，這比起平庸范例單純用了technology和is notgood enough顯然用詞地道很多！有其實(shí)優(yōu)秀范例最后還用了are not alwaysavailable這個(gè)用法來(lái)表示我們平時(shí)常用的can not這層含義，顯得十分高端！

第三句，優(yōu)秀范例For example, it is hard to separate metals from thesediment in terms of collecting technology.對(duì)比平庸范例For example, it ishard for us to separate these rare metals from the sediments thatwe excavate in the deep sea.這里優(yōu)秀范例的亮點(diǎn)就是在于，平庸范例很麻煩的用了一個(gè)從句才寫(xiě)清楚的thatwe excavate in the deep sea，優(yōu)秀范例用了一個(gè)輕巧的固定搭配in terms of collectingtechnology就寫(xiě)清楚了，而且還用collectingtechnology來(lái)表示已經(jīng)寫(xiě)了很多次的mine這層意思，顯得詞匯量很棒！

最后一句，優(yōu)秀范例Moreover, transferring the metals out of the sea is noteasy with respect to transportation.對(duì)比平庸范例What’s more, consideringthe trouble in the transportation, it is not easy for us totransfer these rare metals.最后這一句呢，其實(shí)使優(yōu)秀范例和平庸范例各有千秋。優(yōu)秀范例是out of和withrespect to這兩個(gè)固定搭配用的很好！平庸范例是considering賓語(yǔ)這個(gè)結(jié)構(gòu)用的不錯(cuò)，當(dāng)然，總的來(lái)說(shuō)，還是優(yōu)秀范例更勝一籌！

平時(shí)作文巨講堂多注重詞句之間的回旋，今天特在文章開(kāi)始加入了對(duì)于綜合作文這個(gè)大類(lèi)的講解，希望對(duì)考友們有所幫助。^_^

2013年8月

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀范例：Secondly, the professor argues that harmful minerals andchemicals will spread out through water even if the mining spot iswithin two thousand kilometers from the volcanic vent. And theseminerals and chemicals would drift back towards the vent, whichmeans that the ecosystems near the vent would be disturbed and theconsequences are long-term. The reading passage, by comparison,suggests that ecosystems nearby would not be affected.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯：第二點(diǎn)，教授認(rèn)為有害的礦物質(zhì)和化學(xué)物質(zhì)將會(huì)通過(guò)水進(jìn)行擴(kuò)散，哪怕采礦點(diǎn)是在火山口2000米之內(nèi)。這些礦物質(zhì)和化學(xué)物質(zhì)會(huì)飄回火山口，這意味著火山口附近的生態(tài)系統(tǒng)將會(huì)被打亂，這個(gè)影響，將是長(zhǎng)期的。閱讀文章，比較之下，指出附近的生態(tài)系統(tǒng)不會(huì)受到影響。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：Secondly，the professor thinks bad minerals and chemicalswill go away through water, no matter the mining point is less than2000 meters from the volcanic vent. The minerals and chemicalswould fly back to the volcanic vent, and this implies that theanimals and plants will be destroyed by the minerals and chemicals,and this will be a long time. The reading passage, in comparison,points that the near minerals and chemicals will not be effect.

無(wú)老師平時(shí)寫(xiě)的平庸范例，很少會(huì)加入語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，今天努力了一下，加入了一些特別常見(jiàn)的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，主要是讓同志們感受一下，有些考友的問(wèn)題所在，真的不是一個(gè)模板就能解決的。

不過(guò)無(wú)老師在這里也特別提一下，很多考友總是反映自己的綜合作文莫名其妙得了fair，在這種情況下，往往是聽(tīng)力不給力，但是一看聽(tīng)力分?jǐn)?shù)，也是飚出了接近滿分的分?jǐn)?shù)。其實(shí)這種情況，就很有可能是對(duì)于聽(tīng)力的內(nèi)容還原的不全，我們只要看一下原文就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，其實(shí)聽(tīng)力內(nèi)容，很多時(shí)候，邏輯鏈還是挺長(zhǎng)的，但是有些考友，往往只寫(xiě)了邏輯鏈的三分之二，里面還剩下很重要的推導(dǎo)過(guò)程，沒(méi)有寫(xiě)上，分?jǐn)?shù)就自然也會(huì)被切一刀的。綜合作文要想得高分，遣詞造句要準(zhǔn)確，對(duì)于內(nèi)容的還原也要完整！

好了，回頭說(shuō)今天的作文巨講堂。

綜合作文第一句Secondly, the professor argues that harmful minerals andchemicals will spread out through water even if the mining spot iswithin two thousand kilometers from the volcanicvent.對(duì)比平庸范例Secondly，the professor thinks bad minerals and chemicalswill go away through water, no matter the mining point is less than2000 meters from the volcanic vent.顯然平庸范例的bad、go away和nomatter寫(xiě)的都是驢唇不對(duì)馬嘴，根本都沒(méi)有準(zhǔn)確還原原文的意思，各位考友一定要注意！首先在優(yōu)秀范例之中，首先要特別注意的是作者寫(xiě)的是theprofessorargues，這里的argue不是爭(zhēng)論的意思，而是認(rèn)為的意思，這一點(diǎn)各位考友要特別注意！其后，優(yōu)秀范例也沒(méi)有像平庸范例那樣很土的用了bad，這個(gè)詞，而是羞答答的用了harmful，恩，隱忍，而且準(zhǔn)確多了！然后接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例用了spreadout這個(gè)表達(dá)方式，給人一種如水波紋一般飄飄蕩蕩，向外散播的感覺(jué)，準(zhǔn)確！而且優(yōu)秀范例還用到了托福閱讀里常用的spot，高端！大氣！上檔次！

優(yōu)秀范例第二句And these minerals and chemicals would drift back towardsthe vent, which means that the ecosystems near the vent would bedisturbed and the consequences are long-term.，對(duì)比平庸范例The mineralsand chemicals would fly back to the volcanic vent, and this impliesthat the animals and plants will be destroyed by the minerals andchemicals, and this will be a long time.在這句的平庸范例里，倒是沒(méi)什么錯(cuò)，但是theanimals and plants總還是稍有曲解的感覺(jué)，以及最后的this will be a longtime，也總是有那么一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)怪怪的，因?yàn)檫@里的this指代的不是很清晰，而且longtime和long-term的意思還是有本質(zhì)上的差別的。至于這里優(yōu)秀范例的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，首先在于drift特指的是飄動(dòng)~~~~~，這跟fly相比，顯然意思表達(dá)的更準(zhǔn)確，灰塵又不是動(dòng)物，怎么會(huì)飛翔呢。而且towards相比于to，不僅有方向感，還有一種運(yùn)動(dòng)的延續(xù)性，這是to這個(gè)詞沒(méi)有的。而且優(yōu)秀范例還用了非限定性定語(yǔ)從句which，使得句子的邏輯連續(xù)性很棒！不過(guò)至于后面的ecosystems、disturbed、和consequence，只能算是中規(guī)中矩，正常水平。

至于優(yōu)秀范例的最后一句The reading passage, by comparison, suggests thatecosystems nearby would not be affected.這里的bycomparison顯得很俏皮，可以拿來(lái)當(dāng)做模板來(lái)使用。^_^

2013年9月

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀范例：Lastly, the professor points out that internationalagencies and laws are only valid for open sea. But mining companieschoose coastal areas of a particular country as mining locationswhich are managed by the government of this country rather than bythe laws. Therefore the laws are not helpful to confine the miningcompanies. The reading passage, in contrast, indicates theinternational agencies and laws could regulate mining firms in caseof polluting the environment.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯：最后，教授指出國(guó)際組織和國(guó)際法只對(duì)于公海有效。但是礦產(chǎn)公司選擇某一國(guó)家的沿海地區(qū)作為礦山，這些礦山可以由政府管理，而不是法律。因此，法律對(duì)于限制礦產(chǎn)公司沒(méi)有任何作用。閱讀材料相反，指出國(guó)際組織和國(guó)際法應(yīng)該限制礦業(yè)公司，防止他們污染環(huán)境。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：Thirdly, lecture said that international organization andlaws are used in the open sea. But mining companies would choose acountry’s shore as the mining, this mining would be controlled bythe government, but not the laws. So, the laws would not controlthe mining company. But the reading said that internationalorganization and laws should restrict these mining companies, andshould not let them pollute environment.

本年度綜合作文的最后一期，無(wú)老師的平庸范例沒(méi)有下手的太厲害，其實(shí)主要是原文寫(xiě)的中規(guī)中矩，很難寫(xiě)得特別差。^_^

第一句，優(yōu)秀范例：Lastly, the professor points out that internationalagencies and laws are only valid for open sea.對(duì)比平庸范例：Thirdly,lecture said that international organization and laws are used inthe open sea.顯然，平庸范例只是簡(jiǎn)單地用了said來(lái)表達(dá)個(gè)人的觀點(diǎn)，遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)有pointsout來(lái)得高端大氣上檔次。然后，優(yōu)秀范例的be valid for也寫(xiě)得很漂亮！類(lèi)似于我們平時(shí)寫(xiě)的beuseful這個(gè)詞，用valid與useful互換，顯然可以增加詞匯的多樣性。

其后，優(yōu)秀范例But mining companies choose coastal areas of a particularcountry as mining locations which are managed by the government ofthis country rather than by the laws.顯然比平庸范例的用詞要準(zhǔn)確得多But miningcompanies would choose a country’s shore as the mining, this miningwould be controlled by the government, but not thelaws.在這里，優(yōu)秀范例的coastal areas、a particular country、mininglocations、ratherthan顯然，我們都能讀懂，但是很有趣，我們很少能想起來(lái)這么用，這里主要是因?yàn)槲覀冏陨淼拈喿x量偏低，而導(dǎo)致的表達(dá)方式的貧乏。相比起來(lái)平庸范例的shore就顯得不夠準(zhǔn)確，因?yàn)樘刂负＿?，但是礦山又不可能開(kāi)在這樣的地方，只有優(yōu)秀范例的coastalareas顯得更符合原句的意思一些。然后再接下來(lái)，優(yōu)秀范例的a particular country、mininglocations、rather than都使得原句的準(zhǔn)確性和連貫性想比平庸范例的a country，the mining和butnot要好很多。

第三句，優(yōu)秀范例Therefore the laws are not helpful to confine the miningcompanies.對(duì)比平庸范例So, the laws would not control the miningcompany.這里的平庸范例顯然是一個(gè)錯(cuò)誤范例，請(qǐng)注意confine和control這兩個(gè)詞在意思上的細(xì)微差別。Confine是限制的意思，比如說(shuō)限制某人的活動(dòng)。Control是控制，比如說(shuō)，打開(kāi)這個(gè)按鈕，水就會(huì)出來(lái)之類(lèi)的意思。意思上是有差別的。

最后一句，優(yōu)秀范例The reading passage, in contrast, indicates theinternational agencies and laws could regulate mining firms in caseof polluting the environment.對(duì)比平庸范例But the reading said thatinternational organization and laws should restrict these miningcompanies, and should not let them pollute environment.顯然優(yōu)秀范例的incontrast很輕巧，也很好的控制了句子的節(jié)奏，大贊！然后接下來(lái)作者故意不落俗套，為了顯示自己用詞的多樣性，接連甩出regulate和firm來(lái)替換confine和company，十分精彩！然后最后又用了一個(gè)大招incase of，我們上期不用說(shuō)平庸范例用的很土鱉的should not let，哪怕是比起更準(zhǔn)確的表達(dá)prevent from。incase of的簡(jiǎn)潔，以及使得句子整體的連貫性的通順，都是顯然好很多的！一個(gè)in case of，留下作者身后無(wú)盡功與名！

2013年10月

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀范例：The courses are mutual beneficial for not only the studentsbut also the university. Increasing employment rates of graduateslargely boost the school’s reputation among its potentialapplication, thereby; the school will attract better students.What’s more, the successful graduates are likely to donate moremoney for the better future of their mother school, just thinkingabout the Ivy League’s funds and their great reputations in thewhole world. So, there is no excuse for school not to takeadvantages of the resources to help students a better developmentin career.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯：這樣的課程不僅對(duì)于學(xué)生很有益處，而且對(duì)于大學(xué)也很有好處。研究生就業(yè)率的增加極大的提升了學(xué)校的聲譽(yù)，自然而然的，在潛在申請(qǐng)者之中；學(xué)校將會(huì)吸引更好的學(xué)生。不僅如此，那些取得成功的研究生,很有可能捐贈(zèng)更多的錢(qián)給母校，來(lái)幫助母校未來(lái)的成長(zhǎng)，我們只要想想藤校的資金和他們?cè)谌蚍秶鷥?nèi)的聲譽(yù)（就明白了）。因此，這里沒(méi)有任何的借口可以提，如果學(xué)校不利用自己的資源來(lái)幫助學(xué)生在自己的工作中取得一個(gè)更好的發(fā)展。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：These classes are useful for the student and theuniversity. The increasing of the graduates’ employment rate willincrease the school’s name in the students who are going to apply,and the university will attract more good students. Besides, thosesuccessful students may give more money to the mother school tohelp the university’s development, and we can understand that bythe example of the Ivy League’s money and their good name in theworld. So there is no excuse for the universities to do not usetheir resource to help the students to have a good development intheir job.

點(diǎn)滴之間見(jiàn)高低！用這句話來(lái)形容本篇優(yōu)秀范例，實(shí)在是再恰當(dāng)不過(guò)了！

當(dāng)我們來(lái)看本篇優(yōu)秀作文的時(shí)候，會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)整體句式并沒(méi)有特別亮眼之處，但是就是在一些小詞的運(yùn)用上，充分顯示出境界的不同！

第一句，亮劍！優(yōu)秀范例：The courses are mutual beneficial for not only thestudents but also the university.對(duì)比平庸范例：These classes are usefulfor the student and theuniversity.首先優(yōu)秀范例用的beneficial這個(gè)詞顯示出自己的單詞量不是泛泛之輩，但是這并不是本句的點(diǎn)睛之筆，本劇最提神的就是mutual這個(gè)詞的使用！雖然我們都能想到用notonly…butalso…這樣的固定搭配來(lái)連接“不僅，而且”但是能想到用mutual這個(gè)詞來(lái)挖掘、并且加強(qiáng)內(nèi)部就已經(jīng)含有的“互相幫助”這層含義，確實(shí)是十分少見(jiàn)的。

第二句，上刺刀！優(yōu)秀范例：Increasing employment rates of graduates largely boostthe school’s reputation among its potential application, thereby;the school will attract better students.對(duì)比平庸范例The increasing of thegraduates’ employment rate will increase the school’s name in thestudents who are going to apply, and the university will attractmore good students.很顯然，在這里雖然•雖然在句子的開(kāi)始，優(yōu)秀范例和平庸范例都用了Increasingemployment ratesgraduates這幾個(gè)詞，但是排列的方式的不同，使得平庸范例就成了很生硬的中文對(duì)英文的直接的翻譯，但是在優(yōu)秀范例之中，Increasing雖然是當(dāng)做一個(gè)形容詞來(lái)使用，但是仍然十分準(zhǔn)確的表達(dá)出了“增加”的這層含義，而且沒(méi)有絲毫的喧賓奪主，可以說(shuō)是分成功。接下來(lái)，優(yōu)秀范例又小傲嬌了一下自己的單詞量，用boost這個(gè)詞，至于后面的reputation只能算是中規(guī)中矩，主要是后面的平庸范例表現(xiàn)的太差了，才顯示出他比較耀眼。在他的后面potentialapplication之中的potential雖然用得很到位，但是在之前的作文巨講堂之中用的很多了，我們已經(jīng)有點(diǎn)見(jiàn)怪不怪了。其實(shí)本句話最為有趣的是thereby這個(gè)詞的使用，很簡(jiǎn)單，但是在位置上十分耐人尋味！到底是用于連接分號(hào)后面的，還是在連接分號(hào)前面這句話，亦或者是兩句話都連接，如果是作者有意為之的話，那么可以說(shuō)非常巧妙！

第三句，殺！優(yōu)秀范例：What’s more, the successful graduates are likely todonate more money for the better future of their mother school,just thinking about the Ivy League’s funds and their greatreputations in the whole world.對(duì)比平庸范例：Besides, those successfulstudents may give more money to the mother school to help theuniversity’s development, and we can understand that by the exampleof the Ivy League’s money and their good name in theworld.當(dāng)然我們都能發(fā)現(xiàn)，幾個(gè)很顯眼的亮點(diǎn)是are likelyto這個(gè)固定搭配，donate這個(gè)詞的使用，而不是像平庸范例傻傻的給出give這個(gè)詞，顯得一點(diǎn)都不準(zhǔn)確，目的和方向性都不清楚，以及IvyLeague’s funds這個(gè)詞用得很準(zhǔn)確。但是其實(shí)在整句話之中，最漂亮的就是justthinking！在這里，如果各位考友仔細(xì)的對(duì)比過(guò)無(wú)老師的中文翻譯的話，我們會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)里面有一個(gè)（就明白了），是用括號(hào)標(biāo)明的，這里是原文當(dāng)中雖然沒(méi)有明確說(shuō)出，但是justthinking本身就已經(jīng)表達(dá)出這層含義，而沒(méi)有必要把后面一句話補(bǔ)全，這就好比高手之間過(guò)招，點(diǎn)到為止，舉手投足之間，盡顯高手本色！絕對(duì)的加分亮點(diǎn)！

最后一句話，定江山！優(yōu)秀范例：So, there is no excuse for school not to takeadvantages of the resources to help students a better developmentin career.對(duì)比平庸范例So there is no excuse for the universities to donot use their resource to help the students to have a gooddevelopment in their job.顯然無(wú)老師淘氣了一下，故意在平庸范例里做了個(gè)語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，就是to do notuse，要是非要說(shuō)有點(diǎn)的話，亮點(diǎn)不是很多，應(yīng)該有2處，一是優(yōu)秀范例用了no excusefor，平庸范例是模仿之下就跟著用了，另外一個(gè)是優(yōu)秀范例用了take advantagesof這個(gè)固定搭配，還算及格水平，其他的，別無(wú)令人欣賞的地方。

2013年11月

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀范例：Many people regard college as a place for students bendingon study. It is also true that students will get professionalknowledge on theoretic study to prepare for their future career.However, the more effective way is tolinking（原文這里寫(xiě)錯(cuò)了，無(wú)老師不想改，滿分作文也是允許有錯(cuò)誤的，因?yàn)樗强茨阏w的水平） theory withpractice, which means it is of vital importance for students,colleges, and even the whole society to have job preparationclasses for students before their first job.

Apparently, school is not only a place for just teaching usknowledge from the books, but also a place to help us build ourcharacter as well as direct our future orientation. The careercourses function as a guide to our future job selection,universities should pay sufficient attention to it.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯：很多人將大學(xué)看做是學(xué)生們?cè)趯W(xué)習(xí)上竭盡全力的地方。確實(shí)很多學(xué)生將會(huì)在理論學(xué)習(xí)上得到非常專(zhuān)業(yè)的知識(shí)，這將為未來(lái)的工作做準(zhǔn)備。但是，其實(shí)更有效的方式是將理論聯(lián)系實(shí)際，（因此，讓人們）有第一份工作之前，先上一個(gè)工作預(yù)備班讓學(xué)生、大學(xué)甚至整個(gè)社會(huì)在是非常的重要。

很顯然，學(xué)校不僅僅是一個(gè)教授我們書(shū)本上知識(shí)的地方，而且還是一個(gè)幫助我們塑造自己的性格、和指引我們未來(lái)方向的地方。工作預(yù)備課程對(duì)我們未來(lái)的職業(yè)選擇有幫助，大學(xué)應(yīng)該對(duì)此給予充分的關(guān)注。

無(wú)老師平庸范例：Many people think that university is a place that studentsshould work hard on study. Indeed, many students can get veryprofessional knowledge in theory, and this will get ready forworking. But, the more useful way is connecting the theory to thefact, and it is important to have a working preparing class, and itwill be very important to the students, college and allsociety.

Clearly, schools are not only a place which could teach knowledgefrom the books, but also a place that can help us to build ourcharacter, give direction for our future. Working preparing classis useful to our job selection, university should pay moreattention.

無(wú)老師精析：這兩段其實(shí)取材于一篇作文的一頭一尾，主要是因?yàn)閱渭兊娜∑渲腥魏我欢?，都太單薄了，因此無(wú)老師加班加點(diǎn)，特地附上兩段內(nèi)容。

當(dāng)頭炮，優(yōu)秀范例：Many people regard college as a place for students bendingon study.對(duì)比平庸范例Many people think that university is a place thatstudents should work hard onstudy.其實(shí)在表示“認(rèn)為”這個(gè)意思的時(shí)候，很多單詞都能完成這個(gè)功能，比如說(shuō)“argue”“suggest”“hold”，但是我們平時(shí)如果不注意的話，畫(huà)著沒(méi)有領(lǐng)悟到這一層的話，很容易就會(huì)寫(xiě)得特別的僵化，總是在“think”“believe”的反復(fù)用，顯得特沒(méi)受過(guò)教育。而優(yōu)秀范例之中，只要想到了regard，那么自然會(huì)想到as，這沒(méi)什么特別的。但是原作者能用到bending這個(gè)詞，確實(shí)很令人出乎意料，寫(xiě)得非常地道，表示努力工作的意思。

把馬跳，優(yōu)秀范例It is also true that students will get professionalknowledge on theoretic study to prepare for their futurecareer.對(duì)比平庸范例Indeed, many students can get very professionalknowledge in theory, and this will get ready forworking.在本句話之中，優(yōu)秀范例勝在兩點(diǎn)，第一點(diǎn)是用詞準(zhǔn)確，第二點(diǎn)是連貫性很好。用詞準(zhǔn)確，顯然講的就是theoreticstudy這個(gè)表達(dá)方式寫(xiě)的很地道，很多時(shí)候，閱讀量少，或者沒(méi)有在英語(yǔ)環(huán)境下生活過(guò)，真的就是硬傷！一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的例子，在美國(guó)我們?nèi)绻f(shuō)“這個(gè)東西打包帶走”，該怎么說(shuō)？是的，你會(huì)說(shuō)takeout，但是實(shí)際上他們經(jīng)常問(wèn)你的togo？就是是否外帶的意思。這么沒(méi)辦法，沒(méi)在英文環(huán)境里生活過(guò)，辦法真的不多。第二點(diǎn)就是優(yōu)秀范例用了todo這個(gè)動(dòng)詞不定式來(lái)表示邏輯上的順承，這個(gè)寫(xiě)的很地道，這就是語(yǔ)言之間的表達(dá)方式的不同決定的，這個(gè)只有先悟到，然后再慢慢嘗試多寫(xiě)才行。

第三句，優(yōu)秀范例However, the more effective way is to linking theory withpractice, which means it is of vital importance for students,colleges, and even the whole society to have job preparationclasses for students before their first job.對(duì)比平庸范例But, the moreuseful way is connecting the theory to the fact, and it isimportant to have a working preparing class, and it will be veryimportant to the students, college and allsociety.這一句話，顯然原作者發(fā)了大招。首先上來(lái)就是用了more effective way，但是平庸范例只是用了themore usefulway，這就體現(xiàn)出漢語(yǔ)有的時(shí)候缺少細(xì)節(jié)，到底什么算有用呢“提高效率可以算有用，減少時(shí)間可以算有用，幫助溝通也可以算有用，但是，具體是哪一個(gè)，我們不清楚，這樣我們的文章就顯得空洞無(wú)味。但是如果我們能夠?qū)懗龈嗟募?xì)節(jié)，就會(huì)讓文章看上去很有趣，也更飽滿。現(xiàn)在再來(lái)看射雕英雄傳的第一句，“錢(qián)塘江浩浩江水，日日夜夜無(wú)窮無(wú)休的從臨安牛家村邊繞過(guò)，東流入海?！痹僭囋囎约恨D(zhuǎn)述一下這句話，是不是發(fā)現(xiàn)了，有的時(shí)候不僅僅是英文有問(wèn)題，而是我們的中文有問(wèn)題，本來(lái)就是寫(xiě)東西不夠細(xì)。再來(lái)看moreeffective way是不是比more usefulway寫(xiě)得更好些了。再接下來(lái)，其實(shí)link并不見(jiàn)得比connect好一點(diǎn)，只是兩者之間用詞不同而已，但是優(yōu)秀范例用了with確實(shí)比平庸范例的to顯得靈活一些。

但是接下來(lái)優(yōu)秀范例，下面這半句話寫(xiě)的很地道！首先一個(gè)which引導(dǎo)的從句，引出前后兩半句話是因果邏輯，然后馬上一個(gè)mean順勢(shì)而出引出下面內(nèi)容，當(dāng)水滑到劍中，冷的反射出一滴寒光，一個(gè)beof vital結(jié)構(gòu)從哪一點(diǎn)寒光之中鉆入雙眼，別看結(jié)構(gòu)簡(jiǎn)單，但是我們竟然從來(lái)都沒(méi)用過(guò)，漂亮！其后3者的并列students,colleges, and even the wholesociety看似簡(jiǎn)單，但是水滴已在劍尖搖搖欲墜，讓人寒光四射，真的是于無(wú)聲處聽(tīng)驚雷！要速速記下！后面的job preparationclasses算不得是很優(yōu)秀，但是始終是聊勝于無(wú)。其實(shí)更漂亮的是，水滴竟然一抖沖上10丈之高，引領(lǐng)了在場(chǎng)眾英雄的眼神，在此處的beforetheir firstjob，雖然一個(gè)不起眼的限定，但是恰好能點(diǎn)在這個(gè)位置，就讓優(yōu)秀范例寫(xiě)得特別飽滿。其實(shí)小伙伴們可以試一下，沒(méi)有這個(gè)beforetheir first job這句話也完全成立，一點(diǎn)錯(cuò)誤都沒(méi)有，但是加上這個(gè)before their firstjob之后，就使句子顯得細(xì)節(jié)很豐富，讓眾英雄好似寒冬突襲，木呆呆立在了當(dāng)場(chǎng)。

第二段第一句，優(yōu)秀范例Apparently, school is not only a place for just teachingus knowledge from the books, but also a place to help us build ourcharacter as well as direct our future orientation.對(duì)比平庸范例Clearly,schools are not only a place which could teach knowledge from thebooks, but also a place that can help us to build our character,give direction for ourfuture.優(yōu)秀范例的Apparently不見(jiàn)得比Clearly好很多，只是顯得詞匯量比較豐富。然后再接下來(lái)的notonly…but also…用的也算俏皮，加0.1分！其實(shí)最大的亮點(diǎn)還是3個(gè)疾風(fēng)閃電似的鷂子翻身，首先第一個(gè)from thebooks，跟前面的before their first job一樣，沒(méi)什么難度，但是我們很少想到會(huì)寫(xiě)。然后build ourcharacter與direct our future orientation就更是亮眼！我們第一次發(fā)現(xiàn)，原來(lái)還可以build配character這樣用的！以前沒(méi)用過(guò)，快點(diǎn)發(fā)條微博記下來(lái)！然后direct又是一個(gè)名詞進(jìn)行了動(dòng)詞化，讓在場(chǎng)的老少英雄，不禁嘴又張大了一圈！最后的一個(gè)orientation就已經(jīng)該引得滿堂彩了，但是作者竟然又加了一個(gè)future進(jìn)行限定，竟然讓幾個(gè)剛脫了開(kāi)襠褲的孩童驚訝的陰濕了褲子。

最后一句，就更是精彩！優(yōu)秀范例The career courses function as a guide to our futurejob selection, universities should pay sufficient attention toit.對(duì)比平庸范例Working preparing class is useful to our job selection,university should pay moreattention.在這里，優(yōu)秀范例的function名詞進(jìn)行了動(dòng)詞化，很漂亮！有其優(yōu)勢(shì)as aguide而沒(méi)有直接用guide，使得整個(gè)句子文縐縐的，接下來(lái)作者還扔出了future jobselection，其實(shí)job換用career也可以，但是也無(wú)傷大雅，只是能用了select的名詞，在這里是能看出作者的匠心的，然后作者沒(méi)有單純地用一個(gè)payattention草草了事，而是錯(cuò)落有致的插入了sufficient和toit，使得整個(gè)的句子細(xì)節(jié)非常的飽滿。詞，真的不難，但是組合起來(lái)之后，真的是數(shù)月之后余音仍舊繞耳不絕。

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無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀范例：First of all, good friend will share every detail of thejourney with you: your excitement, your satisfaction, yourtiredness and even the unpleasant little quarrel you had with theguy jumped the queue. He will teach you all the tricky poses tomake before a camera and then laugh at your funny face when goingthrough the pictures; he will tell you funny anecdotes about thesite and play little game with you when you are bored; he will lendyou a shoulder when you are tired and buy you a drink when you arethirsty. Even though he doesn’t offer any major help to your trip,he is there all the time, experiencing everything with you andtelling you by his accompany: you are not alone.

無(wú)老師優(yōu)秀中文翻譯：首先，好朋友會(huì)與你分享彼此旅行當(dāng)中的細(xì)節(jié)：讓你感到興奮的，讓你感到滿意的；讓你感到疲憊的，甚至是讓你感到不快的與插隊(duì)的人的小爭(zhēng)吵。朋友將會(huì)教你所有可以在相機(jī)前做的很有趣的拍照姿勢(shì)，然后在瀏覽相片的時(shí)候，會(huì)跟你一起嘲笑彼此的傻傻臉；朋友會(huì)給你講這個(gè)遺跡的有趣的歷史，當(dāng)你無(wú)聊的時(shí)候，會(huì)給你外一些小游戲（解悶）；當(dāng)你疲勞的時(shí)候，他會(huì)給你一副肩膀，當(dāng)你口渴的時(shí)候給你買(mǎi)飲料。哪怕他不能給你提供任何重要的幫助，他（也會(huì)，無(wú)時(shí)不刻的）在你身邊，跟你一起經(jīng)歷這一切，他的陪伴會(huì)讓你知道：你并不孤單。

無(wú)老師平庸翻譯：First, good friends will share detail of the trip:exciting, satisfaction, tiredness, and even the unhappiness thatargue with a person who jumps the queue. Friends will tell youfunny pose which you can make in front of the camera, and he willlaugh you silly face when you review the photos; friends will tellyou a funny story about the site, when you are boring, and he willgive you a little game; when you are tired, he will give you ashoulder; when you are thirsty, he will buy you a drink. Eventhough he can not give you any help, he will be with you, willexperience everything, it will tell you that you are not alone.

不知道各位小伙伴看平庸翻譯的時(shí)候，有沒(méi)有睡著，不過(guò)無(wú)老師真的是快睡著了，寫(xiě)得實(shí)在是太平了，幾乎就是流水賬。不過(guò)有了平庸范例的點(diǎn)綴，我們反過(guò)頭來(lái)，再來(lái)欣賞一下優(yōu)秀范例，就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，優(yōu)秀范例的優(yōu)點(diǎn)一定不是在于句型，僅就句型來(lái)說(shuō)，這一段真的是沒(méi)什么亮點(diǎn)，雖然有很長(zhǎng)的并列，但是多樣性并不好。

那么有這么大的缺點(diǎn)，就一定有更大的優(yōu)點(diǎn)進(jìn)行彌補(bǔ)，顯然這個(gè)優(yōu)點(diǎn)其實(shí)是兩點(diǎn)，而且是相輔相成的兩點(diǎn)。第一點(diǎn)是細(xì)膩的思維，細(xì)膩的思維，我們可以從作者的字里行間的細(xì)微程度可以看出來(lái)。第二點(diǎn)就是詞匯量很豐富！這一點(diǎn)我們從jumpedthequeue，quarrel等詞就看得非常的清楚了。而且思維細(xì)膩就可以引出豐富的詞匯量，而詞匯量豐富，就會(huì)顯得細(xì)節(jié)特別的飽滿！有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)看小說(shuō)的感覺(jué)，小伙伴們腦補(bǔ)一下《三體》里面無(wú)數(shù)的比喻，就清楚了。

首先第一句，優(yōu)秀范例：First of all, good friend will share every detail of thejourney with you: your excitement, your satisfaction, yourtiredness and even the unpleasant little quarrel you had with theguy jumped the queue.對(duì)比平庸范例First, good friends will share detail ofthe trip: exciting, satisfaction, tiredness, and even theunhappiness that argue with a person who jumps thequeue.兩句話相比，顯然原作者的思維很細(xì)膩，因此由detail這個(gè)點(diǎn)就可以橫向展開(kāi)出excitement，satisfaction，tiredness以及unpleasantlittle quarrel，而且這里又同時(shí)通過(guò)quarrel和jumped thequeue，顯示出作者豐富的閱讀量，否則用不出來(lái)這樣的選詞。

第二句，優(yōu)秀范例He will teach you all the tricky poses to make before acamera and then laugh at your funny face when going through thepictures對(duì)比平庸范例Friends will tell you funny pose which you can makein front of the camera, and he will laugh you silly face when youreview the photos。第一點(diǎn)，原作者的思維很細(xì)致，畫(huà)面感很強(qiáng)，而且邏輯性很好，首先能想到trickyposes，其后順勢(shì)又能想到必然會(huì)有funny face與朋友來(lái)分享，雖然用詞和句型都比較平，但是故事寫(xiě)的很生動(dòng)和豐滿。

第三句，優(yōu)秀范例繼續(xù)并列he will tell you funny anecdotes about the site andplay little game with you when you are bored; he will lend you ashoulder when you are tired and buy you a drink when you arethirsty.對(duì)比平庸范例friends will tell you a funny story about the site,when you are boring, and he will give you a little game; when youare tired, he will give you a shoulder; when you are thirsty, hewill buy you adrink.其實(shí)本菊花（句話）是上面一句話的延續(xù)，還是因?yàn)樽髡叩墓P觸非常的細(xì)膩，因此能夠設(shè)想出anecdotes、lend you ashoulder、以及thirsty。反過(guò)來(lái)再說(shuō)句型有亮點(diǎn)么？沒(méi)有。詞匯亮點(diǎn)很多么？也不多，但是作者把細(xì)節(jié)寫(xiě)的很飽滿，給自己增色不少！
最后一句，優(yōu)秀范例Even though he doesn’t offer any major help to your trip,he is there all the time, experiencing everything with you andtelling you by his accompany: you are not alone.對(duì)比平庸范例Even thoughhe can not give you any help, he will be with you, will experienceeverything, it will tell you that you are notalone.在這句話里，顯然優(yōu)秀范例的major用的很好，顯示這個(gè)幫助沒(méi)有起到“關(guān)鍵”或者說(shuō)“核心”作用，接下來(lái)的一句話he isthere all the time，僅就用詞來(lái)說(shuō)，平淡無(wú)奇，但是由于前面的majorhelp鋪墊的很好，因此一種安全感撲面而來(lái)，用的是恰到好處！然后后面的with you and telling you by hisaccompany寫(xiě)到這，尤其是telling you by hisaccompany就有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)生死相依的感覺(jué)了！“朋友情深“四個(gè)字的感覺(jué)浸透紙背。小伙伴們可以把Even though hedoesn’t offer any major help to your trip, he is there all thetime, experiencing everything with you and telling you by hisaccompany: you are not alone.這段話背下來(lái)，在朋友的作文題里，幾乎是萬(wàn)用的！至于最后的you arenot alone.就是水到渠成，自然會(huì)有的了。

當(dāng)然，最后無(wú)老師還會(huì)附上無(wú)老師作文巨講堂使用指南。^_^

當(dāng)我們來(lái)準(zhǔn)備托福作文的時(shí)候，其實(shí)有一件很郁悶的事情，就是對(duì)于主觀題，我們是缺乏一個(gè)判斷標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的。這個(gè)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，指的并不是官方指南上給我們的條條框框，那些條條框框?qū)ξ覀儊?lái)說(shuō)，幾乎就是跟“我們要建設(shè)成為一個(gè)富強(qiáng)、民主、文明的社會(huì)主義強(qiáng)國(guó)”一樣虛無(wú)縹緲，OG上的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，我們感覺(jué)說(shuō)的都對(duì)，只是我們就是不知道他在說(shuō)什么。

因此，對(duì)于托福作文，我們其實(shí)最需要的是一個(gè)直觀的優(yōu)秀范例！你就告訴我托福作文要什么，這就夠了！

奉天承運(yùn)，無(wú)老師幫各位考友其實(shí)早就準(zhǔn)備好了這份素材！這就是作文巨講堂！名字很耀眼，是不是。^_^

其實(shí)無(wú)老師每個(gè)月放出的作文巨講堂，就全都是滿分作文的合集！這份作文巨講堂，其實(shí)比市面上的作文書(shū)更有價(jià)值！因?yàn)檫@是真刀實(shí)槍的，考友們寫(xiě)出的作文。要知道，市面上的參考書(shū)，全都是一些英語(yǔ)很好的人寫(xiě)的，聽(tīng)上去是不錯(cuò)，但是你有沒(méi)有想過(guò)托?？荚嚨臉?biāo)準(zhǔn)，真的是那樣的么。舉個(gè)例子吧。托福作文其實(shí)要求的，就是美國(guó)高中生畢業(yè)時(shí)候的高考的水平，你英語(yǔ)好，你有可能拿來(lái)的是散文，有可能拿來(lái)的是小說(shuō)，亦或者拿來(lái)的是博士畢業(yè)論文。你們這些素材都很好，但是很遺憾，這不是我托?？荚囈臇|西！

而且還有很重要的一點(diǎn)就是，沒(méi)有任何一個(gè)東西是完美的！ETS也明確知道這一點(diǎn)！因此，這些滿分作文，我們讀的時(shí)候，就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，原來(lái)里面有各種各樣的小錯(cuò)誤。是的，這些也都只有在這些真實(shí)的作文之中才能看到！你看其他材料，根本就看不到ETS真正執(zhí)行的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)！請(qǐng)注意，這一點(diǎn)非常重要！你說(shuō)一千道一萬(wàn)，我們要的是ETS到底是什么口味！你ETS如果喜歡黑絲的，那么我的制服控，就一定會(huì)被退貨！知道這一點(diǎn)非常重要！^_^

不僅如此，哪怕把一個(gè)好作文擺在我們身邊，有的時(shí)候，我們也不知道這是一個(gè)好作文！要有比較，才知道什么叫“好”！為什么？想想《唐伯虎點(diǎn)秋香》里，鞏俐阿姨的回眸一笑就知道了。

因此，我們還需要比較！還需要講解！

是的，無(wú)老師很貼心的全都想到了！作文巨講堂里面，還有普通范文，告訴你，一個(gè)20分上下的水平的時(shí)候，同樣一句話，我們到底會(huì)用怎樣索然無(wú)味的表達(dá)方式來(lái)寫(xiě)，而且無(wú)老師還會(huì)告訴你優(yōu)秀作文，為什么會(huì)比這個(gè)平庸范文要好！很多時(shí)候，我們只是單純的認(rèn)為，字?jǐn)?shù)多，分?jǐn)?shù)就會(huì)高，實(shí)在是太幼稚了。

而且單純的看，這是不行的，還要去仿寫(xiě)！因此，使用作文巨講堂的時(shí)候，要遵循以下的步驟：

首先第一步，自然是要將這一期的作文巨講堂通讀3遍。因?yàn)槿祟?lèi)有個(gè)問(wèn)題，就是看過(guò)一遍就認(rèn)為自己已經(jīng)知道了，但是問(wèn)題是看過(guò)之后我們只是知道這個(gè)故事的梗概，比如說(shuō)我們都看過(guò)少年P(guān)i，但是有幾人能夠不看原版，直接拍一個(gè)一模一樣的少年P(guān)i呢？

第二步：按照中文釋義自己將其翻譯成英文。因?yàn)橹挥凶约簩⑵浞g成英文，才能知道自己的寫(xiě)作能力是怎樣的。在這里不要害怕已經(jīng)將原文背下來(lái)了，如果你真的將原文一字不差的背下來(lái)了，那么我們的目的也就達(dá)到了。

第三步：按照一開(kāi)始給的優(yōu)秀中文范文，修改自己的文章，這里要修改用詞，句子的結(jié)構(gòu)，固定搭配，用優(yōu)秀范文里的內(nèi)容替換自己的平庸的用法。

第四步：隨便找題目寫(xiě)2篇作文，盡量將優(yōu)秀范例里面的元素用到自己的作文之中。

第五步：每周堅(jiān)持至少寫(xiě)2篇，將優(yōu)秀范例里的元素用到自己的作文之中，否則就遺忘了。

托福作文不接近滿分，一定是之上的步驟做得不夠！用功用的不夠，自己將來(lái)是一定不會(huì)原諒自己的！托福作文滿分的人，都推薦無(wú)老師作文巨講堂！

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