愛華網(wǎng)如何與小女孩聊天
作者：麗莎·布魯姆
原載：赫芬頓郵報·讀書（鏈接：http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp）
翻譯：Elysia（http://blog.sina.com.cn/elysiahaiyan）
轉(zhuǎn)載請著名出處
譯者注：
“不要對小女孩說你真可愛你真美。為什么？因為你在告訴她們‘容貌最重要’。你在教他們從五歲節(jié)食，十一歲化妝，十七歲隆胸，二十四歲打肉毒針。不妨聊聊讀書。不妨關(guān)心她們的思想。不妨向她們示范女性應(yīng)因頭腦和成就而得到尊重。告訴她們些與美容業(yè)、明星潮流不同的事?！?/p>
《山楂樹》里，老三告訴靜秋，胸大沒什么不好，不是罪惡的，是美的。與幾十年前中國過于激進的壓迫性別意識和個人美學(xué)相比，如今全世界范圍內(nèi)過于關(guān)注容貌的潮流也是危險的，使人虛弱的。無視美和過度重視美，簡直是女性自我認(rèn)知的兩個極端。美當(dāng)然沒錯，只是美不是全部，不是快樂本身。麗莎·布魯姆警告我們，畸形的追求外表可能帶來生理、心理、人生的瓦解和毀滅。
［譯文］
上周末去朋友家參加晚宴時，我第一次見到她五歲的女兒。小瑪雅長著一頭棕色卷發(fā)和小鹿般的深色眼睛，穿著可愛的艷粉色晚禮服。我真想尖叫著說：“瑪雅，你可真可愛?。】纯茨?！小美人兒，轉(zhuǎn)個圈，擺個蓬蓬裙的造型！”
但是我沒有。我忍住了。每次我見到小女孩，我都得咬緊牙關(guān)，不讓自己下意識的說出她們時多么多么可愛、好看、美麗、時髦、會打扮。
為什么不能那么說？那不正是我們見到一個小女孩時最正常的反應(yīng)嗎？說一句衷心的稱贊，幫助她們提高自信，有何不好？說真的，她們那么可愛，真讓人愛不釋手呢。
不過，我自有我的道理。
這個星期的《ABC新聞》報道，三到六歲的女孩里，近半數(shù)人擔(dān)憂自己肥胖。在我的《在這個白癡世界里做個聰明女人》一書里，我提到，十二歲以下的女孩里，百分之十五到十八會日常刷睫毛膏、畫眼線、涂口紅。厭食癥患者激增，自信心暴跌。四分之一的美國年輕女性寧愿贏得“美國下一站名?！倍皇侵Z貝爾獎。就連聰明、成功的高校女生也說在“性感”和“聰明”中她們選擇前者。一位在邁阿密的母親死于整型手術(shù)，留下兩個十幾歲的孩子。類似現(xiàn)象層出不窮，令我心痛。
如果我們總是最先注意一個小女孩的長相，那等于告訴她們相貌比其他一切都重要。正是這樣的觀念使她們從五歲就開始節(jié)食，從十一歲開始涂脂抹粉，十七歲去隆胸，二十四歲打肉毒針。當(dāng)我們的文化把”全天候性感“做為新的女性規(guī)則，美國女性變得越來越不快樂。
我們失去了什么？有意義的——思考，閱讀，并因我們的思想和成就而被尊重——的生活。
這就是為什么我要求自己用下面的方式與小女孩們對話。
“瑪雅，”我蹲得和她一邊高，看著她的眼睛說，“很高興認(rèn)識你?！?/p>
“我也很高興認(rèn)識你?！彼么笕私探o她的禮貌乖乖女的口吻回答。
“嘿，你最近在讀什么書？”我眨眨眼睛說。我愛書，稱得上是個書癡，而且以此為傲。
她睜大了眼睛，故作禮貌的表情消失了，換成了對這個話題興奮的表情。不過，因為對我還很陌生，她猶豫了一下。
“我超愛看書，你呢？”我問。
大多數(shù)的孩子都愛看書。
“我也愛！”她說，“我現(xiàn)在能自己讀好多書了！”
“哇！真厲害！”我說。對于一個五歲孩子來說，的確很厲害。“你最愛哪本書？”
“我去拿過來！我能讀給你聽嗎？”
瑪雅的最愛是《紫色女孩》，我從來沒讀過。我們坐在沙發(fā)上，瑪雅窩在我身邊，充滿自豪的朗誦每一個詞。故事里的女主人公喜歡粉紫色，她學(xué)校的女孩都愛黑色，所以女主人公受盡了欺負(fù)——唉，又是一本關(guān)于女孩和她們的衣服、以及她們的衣服定義了她們的人格的書。不過，當(dāng)瑪雅念完了整本書，我把話題轉(zhuǎn)向了書中涉及的更深層次的問題：愛欺負(fù)人的女同學(xué)、同儕壓力、被孤立。我告訴她，我最喜歡的顏色是綠色，因為我喜歡自然。她很贊同。
我們絲毫沒有談到衣服啦，頭發(fā)啦，身體啦，漂亮啦。跟一個小女孩聊天時，想避開這些話題比想象中還難，但我堅持住了。
我告訴她我剛剛寫完一本書，我還告訴她我希望有一天她也能寫一本。她為了這個想法興奮不已。到瑪雅需要就寢的時候，我們都意猶未盡，不過我告訴她下次我們再挑一本書，一起讀，一起聊。她簡直迫不及待，都不肯去睡覺了。
這就是我對于我們文化對小女孩們錯誤示范的一點小小反抗、對于尊重女性智力的一點小小推動、為重塑女性準(zhǔn)則的小小努力。我跟瑪雅這短短幾分鐘的聊天，能夠改變幾百萬的美容產(chǎn)業(yè)、真人秀、以及明星文化帶給她的影響嗎？不能。但是，我至少使她當(dāng)下的想法發(fā)生了改變。
下次當(dāng)你遇見一個小女孩時，也不妨試試。她可能會驚訝和困惑，因為此前從沒人關(guān)心她想過什么，但是，請保持耐心，給她時間。問問她在讀什么書。問問她喜歡什么，不喜歡什么。以及為什么。這些問題沒有所謂的正確答案。你只是引導(dǎo)她重視自己的思想，幫她開展一次智力的對話。對于大一點的女孩，問問她對時事的看法：污染，戰(zhàn)爭，學(xué)校經(jīng)費削減。在這個世界上，什么使她感到困擾？如果她有一桿魔杖，她想要改變什么？你很可能得到令你深思的答案。與她聊聊你的想法，你做的事情，或者你愛讀的書。你能夠向她示范一個自主思考的女性是如何說話、做事的。
請告訴我之后發(fā)生了什么。讓我們一起改變這個世界，從與每一個小女孩聊天開始。
［原文］
How to Talk to Little Girls
I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and mether five-year-old daughter for the first time.
Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, andadorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya,you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that prettyruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"
But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when Imeet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, whichis to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.
What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standardtalking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give thema sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they areso darling I just want to burst when I meet them,honestly.
Hold that thought for just a moment.
This weekABCNewsreportedthat nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry aboutbeing fat. In my book,Think:Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-DownWorld, I reveal that 15 to 18 percent of girls under12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eatingdisorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of youngAmerican women would rather winAmerica'sNext Top Modelthanthe Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women saythey'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom justdiedfrom cosmetic surgery, leaving behind twoteenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.
Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you noticetells them that looks are more important than anything. It setsthem up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobsat 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to behot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have becomeincreasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life ofideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts andaccomplishments.
That's why I force myself to talk to little girls asfollows.
"Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes,"very nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite,talking-to-adults good girl voice.
"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I lovebooks. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.
Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expressiongave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though,a little shy of me, a stranger.
"I LOVE books," I said. "Do you?"
Most kids do.
"YES," she said. "And I can read them all by myselfnow!"
"Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go onwith your bad self, Maya.
"What's your favorite book?" I asked.
"I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?"
PurpliciouswasMaya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on thesofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who lovespink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wearblack. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how theirwardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closedthe final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues inthe book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with thegroup. I told her my favorite color in the world is green, becauseI love nature, and she was down with that.
Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who waspretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from thosetopics with little girls, but I'm stubborn.
I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'dwrite one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. Wewere both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next timeto choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops.That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from herbedroom a few times, all jazzed up.
So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all thewrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing femalebrains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my fewminutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry,reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No.But I did change Maya's perspective for at least thatevening.
Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprisedand unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but bepatient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What doesshe like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You'rejust generating an intelligent conversation that respects herbrain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues:pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out therein the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You mayget some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas andaccomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what athinking woman says and does.
And let me know the response you get atwww.Twitter.com/lisabloomandFacebook.
Here's to changing the world, one little girl at a time.
